Purpose

When we talk about our work with older adults, we often talk about the importance of purpose. No matter what your age or stage, living with purpose gives us a reason for being, the energy to go on, a sense of providing value and being valued.

With purpose, we want to get up in the morning because we have things we need to do, objectives to achieve. Without purpose, our lives are often deflated, flattened, and meaningless.

That doesn’t mean that every day is one that is filled with accomplishments, projects and tasks that we can check off the list. Sometimes we need a chance to catch our breath from our busy lives. Sometimes we need to decompress and refill.

But, for so many older adults, especially those who live in residential settings, purpose is hard to find. We, the well-meaning caregivers and family members, do our best to make life easy for our elders. “Let me get that for you, let me help you with that, don’t worry about it, I will take care of it…” It is easy to think that we are helping but, the truth is, sometimes we are doing more harm than good.

There was an interesting study done a few years ago about how much someone’s daily walking decreased when they moved into senior housing. When they had lived at home, they walked to the mailbox, maybe they strolled the neighborhood or pulled a few weeds in the front yard. But now, we do as much for them as we can.  The question is, of course, by doing “good” are we really doing the right thing?

The same goes for all those activities, engagements, interactions that the elder was accustomed to having. Whether it was their work or their volunteer activities, their families or their neighborhood contacts, they had a part to play. And they often both relished that role and saw it as core to their identity. Maybe hosting family holidays was their joy and something that they planned and anticipated for months. Now, someone else has taken over that role and the elder no longer feels needed. Perhaps they were the person who always fixed whatever object was broken.  From toys to tires, they were the first call and took pride in solving the problem.  Now, no one asks them or, if they do, someone else is quick to jump up and say, “Don’t worry.  I’ll take care of it.”

That is not to say that age does not impact abilities or cause change. Maybe we can’t lift that 25 lb. turkey anymore or don’t have the energy—or the setting—to host extended family for a meal. Perhaps getting down to fix that broken bike chain is not something we can physically do. That does not mean that we can’t still be engaged, involved and valued.

When we help our elders to find purpose, whether it is assisting with the holiday meal or “supervising” the repair project, we are telling the individual that they still matter, that they still have something to contribute. When we help elders to learn new things and master new skills, we reinforce their value and their sense of purpose.

Just because someone is of a certain age or has had disease or disability impact the skills they once had, does not mean that they do not have much to offer.  To those of us who care for elders, to those who have elders in our lives, it is our obligation to remember that each person is a valuable individual with much to contribute. And it is our responsibility to help elders renew their purpose or find an alternate or new purpose. In that way we build both their quality of life and ours.