Reclaiming weekday tefillah

Is weekday prayer an afterthought outside of Orthodox Judaism? Should it be?

I never really stopped to reflect much on the role of weekday tefillah in modern Jewish spiritual practice until I started leading traditional prayer at my Conservative synagogue last year. Until then, I suppose I had unconsciously regarded weekday minyan in a synagogue as for mourners and retirees. And based on my kids’ reports and my friends with kids… in educational settings, weekday tefillah seems something to be suffered through, and the calculus of whether the suffering is worthwhile is wobbly. I know of multiple families who actually switched out of a summer camp in part because of “too much tefillah” – they chose a different Jewish camp that decenters prayer.

The kids aren’t interested, they complain about it. In response, at least some parents who care deeply about Judaism are convinced; they don’t see tefillah as a useful enough foundation to justify the diversion of resources away from some other, more useful skill or hobby the kids could grow during camp. Isn’t it better that the kid enjoys a Jewish camp? Won’t that center their Jewish identity more strongly than forcing them to go through rote prayer recitation that feels like torture to them?

Absolutely! Forcing kids to memorize things they aren’t motivated to learn without a purpose that resonates with them poses a realistic risk that they’ll resent the entire experience and later distance themselves from their Jewish identity entirely. If your kid emerges from childhood liking Jewish community and Judaism, they can always learn to daven later. If they emerge feeling like they got nothing out of reciting random words they don’t understand for hours a day… maybe less likely?

As I’ve had exposure to a daily prayer practice, leading at my synagogue and more recently in NYC, having the opportunity to participate in traditional egalitarian prayer on a regular basis, while starting on my daughter’s bat mitzvah prep – I am more and more convinced that we outside the Orthodox community might benefit from a mindful shift of approach to weekday davening.

Maybe. But on the other hand, perhaps the magic of daily davening only becomes possible within a fortified container of multigenerational, lifelong observance. If tefillah is the water your whole family swims in, (1) it’s not a torture that children are being uniquely subjected to as part of a specific experience, like school, camp, or bnai mitzvah prep. It’s not multiplication tables or long division or spelling bees that you might do to get the “A” (or perform for your family and friends at your b’mitzvah) but don’t see as beneficial to you. And (2) there is a baseline of knowledge that you’ll just pick up the same way you pick up native language and other basic skills. Otherwise, learning is more difficult and painful… and can even be a source of insecurity.

Corollary: knowing that kids growing up outside observant environments simply will not have the same level of Jewish literacy as kids who do, how do we optimize their Jewish education? Beyond a positive relationship with Judaism (which seems to be something everyone agrees about), what is it that we are solving for?

And for prayer, the crux of the dilemma is this: how can modern communities ensure that Jewish prayer is both spiritual and accessible? This is a legit tradeoff; the most spiritual prayer environments I’ve been in assume that everyone knows their way around a siddur. There is little page calling, minimal interruption to the flow of prayer, everyone knows the prayer responses, and lots of silence and murmuring in between. But the energy is powerful and prayerful; there really isn’t chitchat during prayer, or not much of it. But if you can’t follow the service, you might not be able to tap into that awe-inspiring energy, because you’re too busy flipping pages, listening desperately to try to find your place, or maybe you’ve given up and are tuned out and merely trying to figure out when to stand up and sit down. That kind of experience might be anywhere from distracting to boring to anxiety-provoking.

In modern communities, we must make prayer accessible across the spectrum of Jewish literacy. How to do it without sacrificing spirituality? Having spent more time in traditional environments recently, talking and page-calling really does disrupt the flow. Some common options include alternative prayer experiences; incorporating other spiritual practices like kirtan, meditation; incorporating more songs; choirs; instruments; written service guides; powerpoints; learners’ services; fun programming. Understandably, the vast majority of these experiences are centered around “special days” like Shabbat and chag.

But recently I’ve started to wonder if maybe the focus on holiday / Shabbat does tefillah itself a disservice.  The more I become involved in daily prayer practice, the more strongly I feel that what’s “prayerful” in traditional Judaism is thrice-daily communal prayer. The holiday / Shabbat liturgy really can’t make spiritual sense without some grounding in the weekday liturgy.  Once that container becomes irrelevant for a majority of a community, or is regarded as an “extra” burden rather than just “part of the daily routine,” then the whole vibe of prayer is “this is an extra burden” and none of it makes sense.

So, maybe the path to a more spiritual Jewish prayer experience lies in the “chol,” the mundane, the weekday liturgy – something to think about.