Sermons of Rebuke: Terumah Excerpts


Shabbat Shalom

Directions.They followed directions. Exactly how H’ told them to. The curtains, the loops, the hooks.

They put them all together and the Tabernacle shall become one (26:11). You don’t just throw together a Tabernacle. There are Tabernacle directions you have to follow. You got to know where Tabernacle slots are. There are Tabernacle rules that H’ lets you know…

When was the last time you followed directions correctly? Mike. You couldn’t even put up your Walmart shelf. And your name only has one syllable…You had to hire a handyman. No embarrassment…You had to hire somebody who has usable hands…Because you don’t read directions. It was a plastic connector shelf. It had slots for everything. You didn’t even use a hammer…

I can’t even get you to listen when I am giving a sermon. Directions: Sit and don’t talk Fran…

I asked for the kiddush tables to be set up in a an oval pattern. No. Didn’t happen…I wrote down the Stella D’oro chocolate filled cookies, not the dried out sponge cake. Written directions. Did it happen? No…
When you follow rules, directions, and it comes together, that is how you become one entity. A way of connecting with H’s oneness…You don’t connect when a handyman has to put up your shelves…This shule has so many different entities and not one of them listens…Even the youth movements: Bnei Akiva youth group, Ezra youth group, Tzofim, NIFTY, NCSY, USY, every acronym…One kid in each group. They are not even youth groups. They are youth people…There is not youth movement. ? Because you cannot move if you don’t follow the rabbi’s directions…

You don’t build bauhus house with straight windows…You don’t install glass in the Tabernacle. Just because it is not written to not put in glass, doesn’t mean that you make a decision to put a shtender on your seat in shule, Bernie…There are people who are trying to sit there…It is right in Mike’s neck. Your shtender and Mike’s neck are one.
You deserve it Mike. At least Bernie knows how to build.

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.

David also tours as a Maggid with very few stories, if you invite him.
Shabbat Shalom

About the Author
David Kilimnick: Jerusalem's Comedian performs at his Off The Wall Comedy Basement- Jerusalem's first comedy club, every Thursday in English and every Wednesday in Hebrew, in downtown Jerusalem. David may also be contacted to perform for tour groups in Israel & Synagogue fundraisers around the world, and for your private parties. Contact: 972(50)875-5688 David Kilimnick, dubbed Israel's father of Anglo comedy by the Jerusalem Post, is leading the new pack of English-speaking stand-up comics in Israel . At his Off the Wall Comedy Basement club in Jerusalem (the first of its kind), Kilimnick has been offering up penetrating observations of life in his turbulent adopted country. Tourists and native Israelis alike have been flocking to his cozy, intimate club and raving about his unique ability to transform the daily chaos and aggravation of Israeli life into an evening full of laughter. Kilimnick's material covers the rocky transition from his "New York Cocoon" to his new life as an "Oleh Chadash" or Israeli newcomer. Still single, Kilimnick touches on his religious upbringing, his rabbinic insights, the injustices of Jewish grammar school and Jewish summer camp, and the looks he gets from his Jewish mother because he isn't married yet. Meanwhile, Kilimnick's universal humor takes you on a tour of funny through the Holy Land. Incorporating routines from his shows 'The Aliyah Monologues Classic 1 & 2','Find Me A Wife,' 'Frum From Birth: Religious Manifesto', his music show 'Avtala Band' & more, David Kilimnick justifies his Aliyah (move to Israel), while taking you through the reality of life as a single immigrant, Israel experiences, holidays & family left behind. You are sure to walk away entertained, enlightened, or with David. David has recently appeared on "Bip" Israel's comedy network, צחוק מעבודב and has been hailed by the tough Israeli media as a rising star who possesses Seinfeldian charm when he takes to the stage.
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