Sex on the Beach – Part Three

September in Castelldefels, Wikipedia Commons (public domain)

As you can see, the editors of the Times of Israel didn’t prohibit me from publishing the next and final edition of the “Sex on the Beach” series.

For this I am grateful.

But they did recommend that this blogger has to put an end to the series.

“We’re fearful that your blogs are ruining our reputation as a serious publication.

Times of Israel cannot be seen as a British tabloid filled with stories about sex.”

Finally, we feel you’re over milking the cow. Please find another subject to blog about.

I got the message; in my email response I told them that I agreed.

“Dear TOI editors, I promise Part Three of “Sex on the Beach” is my last and final story in this series.”

Signed your Trusty Humor Blogger.

But before I begin Part Three, for those of you who have not read “Sex on the Beach” Parts One and Part Two, may I recommend you read them before reading Part Three to gain a sense of continuity.

Today our story begins with a  New York Times reporter giving us her interview notes with the amorous couple that made love on an Israeli beach, on a restaurant table while not wearing face masks.

Remember that our goal is to compare American reporters to Israeli journalists on their coverage of salacious material.

Note to readers: The Israeli reporter for the Jerusalem Post failed to find and interview this wild and crazy couple. (See JP article dated October 4, 2020)

Reporter: I want to thank both of you for agreeing to participate in this interview. You seem like a couple of nice kids. So didn’t you realize the shanda you created in our country by not wearing masks while you fornicated on that beachside restaurant table?

Male interviewee: Yeah, we knew we blew it. We are extremely sorry for our inexcusable behavior. We set a terrible example for the “X” generation. We know how serious Covid-19 is. We have relatives who are ill and in the hospital right now. If we could do it all over again, we would have masked up.”

Reporter: You’re both appear to be in your late teens, do your parents know about you despicable behavior?

Male interviewee: Yup, we had to tell them. We need them to help us pay the fines for failure to wear masks. It’s a lot of money.

Female interviewee: I’m so sorry for disgracing the name of my family. My mother was more upset about me making love on the beach rather than my failure to wear a mask. She still thinks I’m a virgin. But when she heard about the amount of the fines she went ballistic. While my father screamed, “You’re nothing but a stupid beach whore who got caught.”

Male interviewee: You have to understand, we’re both risk takers. We love outdoor adventure sex. The thrill of getting caught is phenomenal. What a rush. What a high. But we never factored in the failure to wear masks in our risk equation.

Reporter: So your decision to do the wild thing was a spur of the moment one?

Male interviewee: Yup. Totally impulsive. The urge hit us and we went for it. You have to understand that young people today are much more open to trying new things.

Reporter: I’ve heard that one before but have you apologized to the owner of the restaurant for the bad publicity you brought on his business?

Female interviewee: We went by the restaurant to say we were sorry and we offered to buy a meal. But the owner said, “I don’t want your patronage, Don’t ever set foot on my property again.”

Reporter: Okay, here’s my last question, what have you learned from this experience?

Male interviewee: That Bibi’s mask police are pretty draconian. They had already given us tickets earlier in the day for not wearing masks. The second tickets were overkill. It’s not like we poured lighter fluid on our masks and set them on fire.

Reporter: Well, thanks again for taking the time for this interview and if you want some friendly advice? Mask up, social distance and wash your hands. This Covid-19 is deadly. It’s time for you to act like adults. Actions have consequences.

About the Author
Florida's Jewish short-story writer, speaker, film producer and retired attorney. He has authored, "A Hebraic Obsession", "The Hanukkah Bunny" and "The Greatest Gift." He produced an award-winning short film entitled, "The Stairs". Movie can be viewed on my TOI blog. Mort is a correspondent for the Fort Lauderdale Sun Sentinel Jewish Journal.
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