The Alter Rebbe’s Yahrzeit – A Message of LOVE

One subject which can be associated with the founder of the Chabad movement –Rabbi Schneur Zalman (known as the “Alter Rebbe”) whose yahrzeit is commemorated today –  the 24^th day of the Hebrew month of Tevet is the topic of love and by extension the topic of marriage.

In chapter 32 of the Alter Rebbe’s epic publication known as the Tanya the principal theme is the idea of “Love Your Fellow Like Yourself” and  there is no greater application of this principal than to one’s spouse. As a corollary of the principle is the idea that the focus needs to be on the person’s SOUL and what stronger application is there than the dedication needed to love one’s Soul Mate.

Likewise, the concept that love that is rooted in the inner essence of the soul and not on externalities will keep the awareness that a couple who dedicates themselves to love and harmony and Shalom Bayit is going to look past the externalities that tend to lead to criticism and arguments.

The chapter also addresses the topic of compassion and certainly in marriage compassion translates to caring and sharing and honoring one’s spouse and supporting their needs.

THE HOME AS A LABORATORY FOR LOVE

Given the fact that the Alter Rebbe made the idea of Love of a Fellow Jew a central pillar of Tanya, there is no better “laboratory” for exhibiting love than in the home and the necessity for prioritizing a spouse’s emotional and spiritual and physical needs and demonstrating in very genuine fashion how the spouse’s wellbeing is critical to having a healthy and happy home.

In Honor of the Yahrzeit, here are some suggestions for celebrating our spouses’ and demonstrating gratitude for the gift each has in the other:

• Identify 3 soul qualities that each of the couple admires about the other and share the qualities in a verbal way.
• Identify a few ways in which the respective spouse exhibited these traits and how the partner benefited from this quality.
• Make two “communication” dates for fostering closeness: the first for an actual DATE NIGHT where the couple reserves the time without any interruptions to enjoy each other’s company and hold the time sacrosanct for celebrating the relationship (and make it a regular calendar date) and the second make an “Issues Meeting” for sharing concerns or bring up any issues which have surfaced and served as areas of divisiveness. And offer some suggestions for how to avoid the issues from escalating.
• If the couple has not done so, discuss and prepare a Mission Statement for the monthly goals you want to establish for greater harmony – even including role assignments for kitchen duty and put the statement in a prominent place to give access for achieving the goals.
• Make an inquiry of the areas of communication which could be strengthened by showing more respect and patience and “practice sacrifice” for the sake of your soulmate. Commit to each other that for x time each will exhibit sensitivity to the area most important to that spouse and exercise maximum discretion.
• Consider learning some material together of mutual interest on a marriage related topic and set aside time for making the material more than an academic exercise and identify how to incorporate the learning into daily practice.

TANYA AS MY DAILY COMPANION

On a personal note, I started learning Tanya in memory of the murder of Gavriel and Rivky Holtzberg’s in Mumbai and it has become my daily companion. I highly recommend the Tanya for its emphasis on character refinement and focus on love and unity. The lessons from the Alter Rebbe have had profound influence on society and on this yahrzeit, it is appropriate to recognize the contribution that the Alter Rebbe made and its exponential worldwide impact throughout the ages.

May we all find our homes to be the bastions of peace and radiate goodness for the benefit of Am Yisrael.