Honoring Motherhood: The Connection Between Shiluach HaKen and Kibbud Av VaEm

Introduction

The Torah commands us to honor our parents:

כַּבֵּד אֶת־אָבִיךָ וְאֶת־אִמֶּךָ
“Honor your father and your mother.”

The most obvious explanation for this mitzvah is gratitude. Our parents gave us the greatest gift possible: life itself. Honoring them is therefore a basic expression of appreciation toward those who brought us into the world.

Rabbi David Fohrman suggests, however, that there is another, deeper dimension to the mitzvah of honoring parents. He finds the key in a seemingly unrelated mitzvah: Shiluach HaKen, the commandment to send away a mother bird before taking her eggs or young.

At first glance, these mitzvot appear to have little connection. Yet the Torah gives both of them the same unusual reward: long life. This parallel suggests that the two mitzvot may be connected by a common underlying idea—the recognition and honoring of parental love and self-sacrifice.

Shiluach HaKen

The Torah states:

כִּי יִקָּרֵא קַן־צִפּוֹר לְפָנֶיךָ… וְהָאֵם רֹבֶצֶת עַל־הָאֶפְרֹחִים אוֹ עַל־הַבֵּיצִים, לֹא־תִקַּח הָאֵם עַל־הַבָּנִים. שַׁלֵּחַ תְּשַׁלַּח אֶת־הָאֵם וְאֶת־הַבָּנִים תִּקַּח־לָךְ. לְמַעַן יִיטַב לָךְ וְהַאֲרַכְתָּ יָמִים.

When a person encounters a bird’s nest containing eggs or young, with the mother bird sitting over them, he is commanded to send away the mother before taking the eggs or chicks.

The obvious question is: Why?

What is the deeper reason behind this mitzvah?

The Rambam: Preventing Cruelty

The Rambam explains that the mitzvah is connected to compassion. A mother bird should not be forced to watch helplessly as her offspring are taken from her.

The emotional pain of a parent witnessing harm to a child is not merely a human phenomenon. The Torah recognizes that animals, too, possess powerful maternal instincts.

According to this approach, the Torah permits a person to take the eggs or young, but it forbids him from causing the mother to witness what happens to them. The mother must first be sent away.

The mitzvah therefore teaches us not to inflict unnecessary suffering—even upon an animal.

The Ramban: Respecting the Continuity of Life

The Ramban offers a somewhat different approach. He sees the mitzvah as connected to the Torah’s concern with excessive destruction.

Human beings are permitted to use animals for legitimate purposes, including food. But there is a distinction between using individual animals and recklessly destroying an entire species.

Taking the mother together with her offspring represents the simultaneous destruction of two generations. The Torah therefore commands us to take the young while allowing the mother to live.

According to the Ramban, Shiluach HaKen teaches restraint: human beings may make use of the animal world, but they may not treat it as though life has no value.

A Question in the Wording of the Torah

Rabbi Fohrman points to a difficulty that emerges from the precise wording of the mitzvah:

לֹא־תִקַּח הָאֵם עַל־הַבָּנִים
“Do not take the mother together with the young.”

Why does the Torah phrase the prohibition in terms of taking the mother?

According to the Rambam, the essential problem is causing the mother to witness the loss of her offspring. One might therefore expect the Torah to emphasize the taking of the young in front of the mother.

Similarly, according to the Ramban, the issue is the destruction of two generations. The wording could seemingly have emphasized that the mother and young should not both be taken.

Why, then, does the Torah specifically focus on not taking the mother together with her young?

Fohrman suggests that the answer lies in another feature of the mitzvah.

The Reward of Long Life

The Torah concludes the commandment of Shiluach HaKen with a remarkable promise:

לְמַעַן יִיטַב לָךְ וְהַאֲרַכְתָּ יָמִים
“So that it will be good for you and you will have long life.”

Interestingly, this is not the only mitzvah associated with such a promise.

The Torah gives the same reward for Kibbud Av VaEm:

כַּבֵּד אֶת־אָבִיךָ וְאֶת־אִמֶּךָ לְמַעַן יַאֲרִכוּן יָמֶיךָ
“Honor your father and your mother, so that your days will be lengthened.”

These are the two positive commandments in the Torah most famously associated with the promise of longevity.

Why should these two mitzvot share the same reward?

Fohrman suggests that the answer is honoring motherhood and parental self-sacrifice.

The Mother Bird’s Sacrifice

Consider what makes the mother bird vulnerable in the first place.

A bird is normally extremely difficult for a human being to catch. It has wings. It can simply fly away.

Yet when a mother bird is sitting over her eggs or young, something changes.

She stays.

She does not abandon her offspring merely to save herself. Her maternal instinct keeps her close to her young, even when doing so puts her own life at risk.

In other words, her love for her children overrides her instinct for self-preservation.

That is precisely what makes it possible for a human being to capture her.

The Torah therefore says:

לֹא־תִקַּח הָאֵם עַל־הַבָּנִים

Do not exploit the mother’s devotion to her young. Do not use her own maternal instinct as a trap against her.

Send her away.

A Desecration of Motherhood

This creates a powerful new understanding of Shiluach HaKen.

The Torah is not merely telling us to avoid causing pain to an animal. It is teaching us to respect the phenomenon of motherhood itself.

The mother bird is willing to sacrifice herself for her offspring. That instinct is something sacred and worthy of respect.

Human beings have permission to use animals for legitimate purposes. We may take the eggs or the young. But there is a limit.

We may not turn the mother’s greatest virtue—her devotion to her children—into the very mechanism by which we capture and destroy her.

That would be a desecration of motherhood.

From the Mother Bird to Our Own Parents

And here the mitzvah connects directly to Kibbud Av VaEm.

A mother bird will do almost anything for her young.

So will a human mother.

A parent may have expectations for a child. A parent may hope that the child will make certain choices and live according to certain ideals. But beneath those expectations is something deeper: parental love.

A child can disappoint a parent and still be loved.

A child can fail to live up to a parent’s hopes and still remain a beloved child.

That love is extraordinary because it is not based entirely on achievement or reciprocity. It is rooted in the bond between parent and child.

And precisely because parental love is so powerful, it can be taken advantage of.

Do Not Exploit Parental Love

A child can become accustomed to the fact that his parents will always be there.

He can take their sacrifices for granted. He can continue asking and taking without giving anything in return. He can even disregard their wishes while assuming that their love will remain unchanged.

The Torah teaches us not to do this.

Just as we must not exploit the mother bird’s maternal instinct, we must not exploit our parents’ love for us.

Their love is meant to help us grow—not to become something we manipulate for our own benefit.

Kibbud Av VaEm is therefore not merely about saying “thank you” to the people who gave us life. It is about recognizing the extraordinary love and sacrifice that parents give to their children and responding appropriately to it.

Why Long Life?

This also explains the Torah’s promise of long life.

Both Shiluach HaKen and Kibbud Av VaEm involve recognizing and respecting the forces that bring life into the world.

In Shiluach HaKen, we encounter a mother who is willing to sacrifice herself for the continuation of her offspring.

In Kibbud Av VaEm, we recognize the parents who gave us life and devoted themselves to our development.

The Torah therefore places these two mitzvot side by side through their shared reward:

וְהַאֲרַכְתָּ יָמִים
“You will have long life.”

The message is profound: when we respect the source of life, we strengthen our own connection to life.

Conclusion

Shiluach HaKen initially appears to be a mitzvah about birds. The Rambam understands it as a lesson in compassion, while the Ramban sees it as a lesson in restraint and respect for the continuity of life.

Rabbi Fohrman’s interpretation adds another dimension.

The Torah is teaching us to recognize and honor parental self-sacrifice.

The mother bird’s willingness to risk herself for her young is something we are commanded not to exploit. That same instinct exists in human parents. Our mothers and fathers devote themselves to us, often continuing to love us even when we disappoint them.

The proper response is not to take that love for granted.

It is to honor it.

Shiluach HaKen and Kibbud Av VaEm therefore share a profound message: respect the love of the parent for the child, and never turn that love against the one who gives it.

By honoring our parents, we acknowledge the people through whom we received our own lives. And by sending away the mother bird, we acknowledge and protect the sacred instinct of motherhood itself.

In both cases, the Torah teaches us to honor the source of life—and promises that, through that recognition, “your days will be lengthened.”

To see Rabbi Fohrman’s Dvar Torah please go to Parshat Ki Teitzei: How To Merit Long Life?