The Way We Date: A New Year, A Fresh Start

As the Jewish New Year approaches, you might find yourself thinking about how you’d like to do things differently next year so that it’s not just a repeat of the last. If you’re a single man or woman who’s been searching for your soulmate for years: Is dating one of them?

Albert Einstein said it best: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” As you approach the start of a brand new year, with all its potential, ask yourself: “Am I ready to do something different in my love life so I can see a different outcome this year?”

We humans tend to put a lot of thought and effort into our approach in many areas of our life outside of dating. When it comes to education, for example, we may think critically about what degrees to pursue; or which positions to apply for based on a number of determining factors. What ideas, goals, or values have shaped your job choices? Did you invest significant financial resources (thousands of dollars?) and/or time (two, four, six years or more?) gaining an education and skill-set to prepare for a future job, or to reach your financial goals? Have you invested a comparable level of effort in your future marriage?

Dating can feel extraordinarily frustrating. Draining. Painful. Not to mention, wasteful.

Did you know …

• People Spend An Average Of $20,276 On Dating In A Lifetime
• Singles Spend Approximately $43.50 Per Date
• Cosmopolitan Magazine found that men spend about $80 on a first date, on average.
• According to BookofOdds.com, the average American dater makes roughly $30 per hour while working. That’s a big percentage of your paycheck going towards dating!
• Men and women can spend hundreds on clothing, accessories and other aesthetics, for a date.
• A recent study by Match.com showed that American singles spend about $60 a month on dating sites.

(Sources: http://www.wisebread.com/how-much-should-you-actually-be-spending-on-a-date

https://www.bustle.com/articles/147837-how-much-money-the-average-american-spends-on-dating-in-a-lifetime

http://www.match.com/magazine/article/12273/The-Hidden-Costs-Of-Dating/)

The stats speak for themselves. But what can we do about it?

It’s not all in our control, of course. And keeping G-d in the picture is key. But what about the areas in which we can do something more?

When it comes to choosing a life partner — the most crucial decision of our lives —

• EXAMPLE
• Do you have a clear picture of the kind of future you want to have, and the type of marriage you’d like to build?
• What choices have you made over the past year with regard to dating, and have they taken you closer to— or further away from — your goals?
• How strong and confident do you feel in your efforts?
• How much clarity do you have when you’re dating someone?
• How much do you trust yourself to make the right decision?
• How effective do you feel in your dating?
• How much thought have you given to your patterns in dating?
• What have you tried until now to overcome all of these challenges and get real direction?

Here’s the bottom line: Like so many other areas of life, the way we approach dating helps determine the fruitfulness of our efforts. As French author Antoine de Saint Exupery put it, “A goal without a plan is just a wish.”

So, stop. Reflect. Recalibrate. Step outside of your comfort zone. Then take the necessary steps to make the next year of your life your best one yet. This time next year, you’ll be so glad you did.