Three Years of War, Our Family’s Return to Keva

My husband returned to career military service during one of the most challenging periods in Israel’s history. This essay explores the sacrifices of Keva life, through his experiences and their impact on our family.

Recently, on the third anniversary of October 7th, Benzi and I participated in a panel discussion at our shul about what it’s been like to be a serving family since Black Saturday. We are the only keva (full-time army) family in our kehila as far as we know, so they grouped us with miluim families. But we did our best to highlight our unique perspective as a military family that serves 100% of the time.

It was clear from the discussion, and the ongoing feedback from those present, that there is a lot that people don’t know. I was pretty surprised that people didn’t know that Benzi is in keva or that he hasn’t lived at home in over a year. I guess we are the center of our own universe, but not everyone else’s!

When I met Benzi, he was already a career officer in Kishrei Chutz (the international cooperation division of the IDF). In 2022, we made the decision as a family that he would leave keva, after 13 years of service. Of course, he would continue to serve in reserves, including multiple trips a year to CENTCOM HQ in Tampa.

Ultimately, the decision came down to salary and work-life balance. So, on October 7th, Benzi was called into reserves, where he served for 5 months, running a joint command center with the US military. Life was challenging at home, but the entire country was in a state of shock, followed by a “ביחד ננצח” attitude. We were all in the depths together.

Afterwards he came home for a few months, but it was almost weird to have him home when we were at war. He even started a new job based in Modiin. He was around to do all the gan drop-offs! But it felt completely wrong for him to be there.

Around June 2024, he got a call from one of his generals about a position that was urgently needed due to the conditions of the war: military advisor for international cooperation to the Minister of Defense. And just like that, he was back in keva.

It was a crazy couple of months, with the IDF in Rafah and the first ground offensive in Lebanon. Even though Benzi was technically based in the Kiriya, he was home maybe two nights a week. But he was participating in some of the most historic moments. Sitting in the “room where it happens.”

In January 2025, Benzi moved back to Kishrei Chutz full-time. For a couple of months, he was in a position that was a little lighter of a load, and he was more available for our family. Even enough to agree to me going on a four-night girls’ trip to Cyprus.

In the weeks leading up to that June trip, Benzi must have confirmed with me five times that our flight was landing at 4 PM on Thursday, June 11th. That Thursday morning, while we were still in Cyprus, he messaged me that he wouldn’t be home that evening, my mom would fill in for pickup, and I should Wolt some groceries to the house.

My friends and I made it home to Modiin by 6 PM. I sent my mom home to Jerusalem, and by 3 AM on Friday morning, we got the warning to enter our mamads for the start of Operation Rising Lion against Iran. My friends, and especially my mom, still shudder at the thought of us being stuck in Cyprus for the duration of the war!

In August 2025, Benzi was promoted to the rank of Lieutenant Colonel. This was a really emotional milestone for us. He got Captain when we were engaged, Major when our oldest was a baby, and now סגן אלוף when I was pregnant with #3.

But this started one of the most challenging periods of the war for our family: his position as Chief Liaison Officer for Lebanon and Syria. This position would have him based in Tsfat (when he’s not in the shetach or across our northern borders), returning home just for most Shabbatot.

This was while, at home, I was pregnant, our oldest was starting kita Alef, and her brother was starting gan iriyah. My parents stepped up in a major way and rented an apartment in Modiin for the year. They were there for drop-offs, pickups, bedtime routines, and all the rest. At this point, they are better known at school pickup, Holy Bagel, and shul than I am.

Late February 2026 brought the next round of war with Iran and the next ground invasion of Lebanon. I think we went two months without Benzi visiting Modiin once. Since then, he’s been very busy with the IDF’s presence in Lebanon and the pilot zones with the Lebanese military. Add his monthly trips to the US for Lebanon peace talks to the list of things we are juggling.

Benzi is supposed to start his next position soon, as Head of the US Cooperation Branch (leading the IDF’s military cooperation with the US military). It’s a position he’s been waiting for pretty much since he joined Kishrei Chutz as an officer. Thank God it’s based in Tel Aviv.

But will he be around for carpool and nighttime routines? I learned a while back not to expect him to be available. It’s less painful than being disappointed. I’ve also gotten a lot more comfortable with ambiguity. Do we know when he’s moving? Nope, just that it keeps getting pushed off. And while I’m listing things, I no longer bother Benzi to tell me things that I know he can’t share. Or at least, I try to do it less!

Do I regret encouraging Benzi to go back to the army? Not for a second. That doesn’t mean it’s not incredibly challenging and sometimes very lonely. I feel guilty that we put this on our kids.

A couple of weeks ago our 7-year-old asked me what is more important to Abba, the army or family? Her 4-year-old brother chimed in and said, “The army is our family.” I’m not really sure what he meant by that, but I like to think that he meant the army is part of who our family is. I hope that our kids see the sacrifice that they and Benzi are making and feel pride. I know I do.

Over the past few months, I’ve also begun volunteering with Forum Mishpachot Hakeva (פורום משפחות הקבע), an organization founded during the war by the partners of Keva soldiers to support, represent, and advocate for Israel’s career military families. Because supporting those who serve also means supporting the families who make that service possible.

There is a widespread perception in Israel that Keva soldiers have “signed on” to these conditions and that their continued service can be taken for granted. But three years of war is not a normal condition. The demands placed on career military families are extraordinary, and many Keva soldiers are choosing to leave full-time service and continue serving in the reserves — the very decision our family made in 2022.

The governmental benefits – from the cost of renewing a driver’s license to tax exemptions when buying your first house – are far superior for reservists than for keva soldiers (when they exist for keva soldiers at all). These differences matter, not only financially, but also because of what they communicate about how different forms of service are valued.

Through this work, I’ve met women whose experiences over the past three years have been far more challenging than my own — women whose husbands are combat soldiers and have spent the better part of these three years in Gaza and Lebanon. Their stories are a powerful reminder that every family carries its own burden, often with little public recognition. Helping the Forum bring these stories to light and advocate for better conditions for Keva families has added a new sense of purpose to my days.

I honestly can’t remember what I cared about before these three years of war, and I wonder whether we will ever “go back” to that version of ourselves – whoever we were.

If you’d like to learn more about the organization and the work being done on behalf of these families, you can follow Forum Mishpachot Hakeva on Instagram.

In the meantime, we’re in this for the long haul. I hope that Benzi will go on to be a Colonel, and who knows, maybe even the first Kishrei Chutz general to rise in rank from inside the unit. It’s a long shot, but we’ve witnessed far more unbelievable things happen over the past three years.

Thank you to our amazing families, friends, and community, who have all stepped up and filled in in an incredible way. It really takes a village to raise a keva family. There’s no way we could do it otherwise.