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Meredith Rothbart

Yom Kippur begins tonight; I don’t know how to pray

How can I when so many righteous people were not saved, when 97 cannot breathe, and when we are all plagued by memories and fears?
A Hamas tunnel in southern Gaza's Khan Yunis, where the IDF believes hostages were held by the terror group, published on January 11, 2024. (Israel Defense Forces)
A Hamas tunnel in southern Gaza's Khan Yunis, where the IDF believes hostages were held by the terror group, published on January 11, 2024. (Israel Defense Forces)

בְּרֹאשׁ הַשָּׁנָה יִכָּתֵבוּן וּבְיוֹם צוֹם כִּפּוּר יֵחָתֵמוּן. כַּמָּה יַעַבְרוּן. וְכַמָּה יִבָּרֵאוּן. מִי יִחְיֶה. וּמִי יָמוּת. מִי בְקִצּוֹ. וּמִי לֹא בְקִצּוֹ. מִי בַמַּֽיִם. וּמִי בָאֵשׁ. מִי בַחֶֽרֶב. וּמִי בַחַיָּה. מִי בָרָעָב. וּמִי בַצָּמָא. מִי בָרַֽעַשׁ. וּמִי בַמַּגֵּפָה. מִי בַחֲנִיקָה וּמִי בַסְּקִילָה. מִי יָנוּחַ. וּמִי יָנֽוּעַ. מִי יִשָּׁקֵט. וּמִי יִטָּרֵף. מִי יִשָּׁלֵו. וּמִי יִתְיַסָּר. מִי יֵעָנִי. וּמִי יֵעָשֵׁר. מִי יִשָּׁפֵל. וּמִי יָרוּם:

Tomorrow is Yom Kippur and I don’t know how to pray. 

How dare I ask God to save my life when so many much holier and more righteous than me were not saved? 

When so many this year have died by fire, 

who are continuing to die at the hands of the most vicious of beasts;

When so many are starving, desperate for water, medicine, space to heal;

When entire universes have been shattered, 

And we are all plagued by nightmares, everlasting memories and fears;

When 97 of us cannot breathe, strangled by the lack of fresh air in the tunnels of stone.

When no one can rest, no one at all, 

Under constant stoning of bombs and missiles from all sides. 

How dare I pray for serenity when so many are confused?

How dare I desire tranquility when so many are tormented?

Will we ever get out of this state of despair? 

Tomorrow is Yom Kippur and I don’t know how to pray.  

How dare I ask God to forgive me when I don’t know how to forgive him? 

About the Author
Meredith immigrated to Jerusalem in 2008 from Allentown, Pennsylvania. Somehow in between studying in a religious Zionist feminist seminary and serving in the IDF, she participated in a leadership program for young Israelis and Palestinians which inspired her career in peacebuilding. Meredith co-founded Amal-Tikva (meaning hope in Arabic and Hebrew), a collaborative initiative where philanthropists, field experts, and organizations come together to support civil society peacebuilding. In the moments when she’s not pursuing peace in the Middle East, you can find Meredith at the playground near her Jerusalem home chasing her adorable kids.
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