Torah for Dollars, Part II

Though I work hard for the money, so hard for it honey, I’m happy to pay for young men to study in yeshiva in the democratic State of Israel, under certain conditions:

Qualifications

• Men to apply for acceptance in yeshivas based on a matriculation exam to be designed and administered by the Chief Rabbinate and supervised by the Ministry of Education. You don’t pass? National service awaits you.
• All applicants must prove that they are Jewish. Just kidding, it’s nearly impossible.

Attendance

• Each student must check in and out biometrically, every day, six days a week.
• Each student gets 15 vacation days and 20 sick leave days per year. Doctor’s note needed for illness of longer than 2 days.
• I know that students can check in every morning, go to their second job, and then check out in the evening. For enforcement, rather than relying on spot-checks by Ministry of Education inspectors, every beis medresh will be equipped with a surveillance camera, monitored either by the Ministry of Education or by the general public, online.

Curriculum

The amateurs of the Chief Rabbinate, together with the professionals of the Ministry of Education, will develop a curriculum for the yeshivas. This will get messy, I know, but it can be done.

Is it fair to require every yeshiva to learn a core curriculum?

You bet your ass it is – we’re paying, we have the right to set some standards.

Testing

An end-of year exam, administered in testing centers with numerous proctors, will determine who can continue in yeshiva the next year. Those who fail — national service.

Equality

Young women must have the same opportunity for Torah study, and the same requirement for national service. If not, there can be no support for men to study, as women are equal to men under the law…aren’t they?