Parashat Vayeshev: The Secret Identity

Veyeshev: The Secret Identity

וְיִשְׂרָאֵ֗ל אָהַ֤ב אֶת־יוֹסֵף֙ מִכׇּל־בָּנָ֔יו כִּֽי־בֶן־זְקֻנִ֥ים ה֖וּא ל֑וֹ וְעָ֥שָׂה ל֖וֹ כְּתֹ֥נֶת פַּסִּֽים׃

Israel loved Joseph best of all his sons—because he was his “child of old age”; and he had made him an ornamented tunic (Genesis 31:7).

In this week’s parasha, we have a whirlwind of identities being changed. From this, we can learn something deeper about our own identities in conjunction with some insights from the Zohar. I will keep it a secret for now what that is. Jacob is a father to at least 13 children (“at least” because a midrash (Bereshit Rabbah 82:8) suggests that each boy was born with a twin sister), and he knows that each of the boys will need to have strong leadership qualities to direct the many descendants that will follow and pass those qualities on to them. Jacob needs to continuously make sure he is setting a positive example for them, which is made more difficult for him by the loss of his most beloved wife Rachel.

The Torah focuses heavily on Joseph in particular, so let’s look at him. According to another midrash (Berishit Rabbah 84:8) , “ben zekunim” (literally “child of old age”) is to be understood as “wise for his age”. Perhaps this is so in some ways such as “book learning”, but it’s hard not to see troublesome, immature behavior in his negative reports on his brothers and the way he practically taunts them with his dream interpretations. Yet another midrash (84:7) even seems to corroborate this, suggesting that his evil reports of his brothers are false and he was punished for them. Perhaps he is intellectually or philosophically mature, but isn’t reflecting that as much as he could in his actual behavior. When Israel  gives Joseph a “ketonet passim” (כְּתֹנֶת פַּסִּים) (often poorly translated as “coat of many colors”), it could suggest many different things, including hinting at the royal position he will come to have in Egypt. One thing for certain, though, is that by doing this, Jacob is imposing an identity on Joseph.

Jacob knows, whether consciously or only subconsciously, that Joseph has an unusual role to play compared to his brothers. According to the Zohar (180a), Joseph represents Yesod, the sefirah of foundation that channels divine energy from the higher sefirot to the physical world. This role is crucial as it ensures the flow of blessings and sustenance. Joseph’s association with Yesod highlights his righteousness and moral integrity – or at least potential for this. The Zohar emphasizes Joseph’s later expressions of enduring love and loyalty towards his brothers, which mirror Hashem’s compassionate love for the children of Israel. Joseph’s ability to forgive and provide for his brothers during the famine demonstrates his role in uniting and sustaining the family (184a). But how does he get from his beginnings in our parasha to this point?

A parent inspires a child to be his or her best by observing what positive qualities are already present in the child and then nurturing those qualities in a way that will ultimately be beneficial not just for the child, but also for the world. But this is not entirely up to the parents. To some degree, it is Joseph himself (and so too with any child) who has to allow his inherent qualities to develop and who determines how and when that happens. The acclaimed French book S’élever avec ses Enfants (Growing Up with Your Children) by Vanessa Benzaken and Joy Galam, talks about how it is important to always listen to what the child has to say. It is not necessary to always say something back. Jacob does respond to Joseph’s talking about his dreams (37:10), but perhaps because he sees the need to address the implied disrespect, but perhaps this was not the best way to respond. Maybe he instead could have interpreted the dream in a more helpful way. For example, he could have reinterpreted the celestial bodies prostrating themselves to Joseph as a sign of gratitude for something Joseph would do to help the rest of them. Reprimanding Joseph is perhaps less productive, as Joseph is is just trying to express himself and describe what he saw – note that it he didn’t even give an interpretation to his dreams – it’s his family members who read into them.  Nevertheless, we can understand Jacob’s actions as reprimanding him for the sake of shalom bayit – to keep family peace.

Joseph’s father loved him a great deal – we are told more than his siblings, because in his own way wanted Joseph to be his best. He wanted him to connect with values of leadership and royalty (thus, the coat), and Joseph certainly will do so in Egypt. In a long-term view, when Israel broke into two kingdoms, the northern Kingdom of Israel was ruled by a descendant of Joseph and that tribe was dominant in the north. In fact, there is a tradition that in addition to Mashiach ben David (the Messianic king who will be descended from David), the end times will also feature a Mashiach ben Yosef (an anointed leadership figure descended from Joseph).

Jacob may have meant well, but his parenting skills may leave much to be desired – it is not like Jacob learned a lot from his own parents about how to avoid favoritism. Jacob represents the divine attribute of Tiferet (beauty). The commentator Kli Yakar delves into the symbolic meaning of the so-called “coat of many colors” (also translated sometimes as “a richly ornamented robe“) (37:3), suggesting it is connected to first-born status (which Jacob was for Rachel, and has supplanted Reuvein as overall firstborn status). At that time, the first-born was the religious functionary of the family, as the Kohanim would be in later generations, and so, according to this approach, the special clothing is akin to that worn by the Kohen Gadol to indicate a special status. This again could connect to the values his father wants him to embody – the honor and beauty of that particular role. 

The exact definition of this special garment is debated. Rashi and Radak interpret “passim” as a garment with stripes or bands, implying multiple colors or patterns, while Targum Onkelos translates it as a “fine woolen garment,” emphasizing quality over color. Ibn Ezra suggests “passim” refers to a long-sleeved garment, still indicating nobility and distinction. We can surmise it is a unisex type garment because the only other place the phrase is used in the Tanakh is regarding David’s daughter Tamar. Joseph is frequently connected to his mother Rachel and is described as beautiful in the same language as his mother (in the masculine form). It is possible that this type of garment was, in fact, more associated with females and this is another example of Jacob projecting Rachel onto Joseph. We don’t actually know how Joseph felt about this special garment other than he continued to wear it. What Joseph himself thinks is what really matters more than anything else, but the Torah is silent on his perspective.

Joseph’s unusual behavior towards his brothers is perhaps a cry for more opportunities to express himself in a way meaningful to him. According to pedagogy, when children act up it is more about the environment than the child’s personality. According to the Zohar (184a), when the Torah mentions a random man asking Joseph what he was looking for and he responds that he is seeking his brothers(37:15), the implication is that he sees them as true brothers even though they do not treat him as a true brother, and this comes to the foreground later with how he feels about them when they come to Egypt. Although he seems to have difficulty seeing how his youthful actions (and his father’s behavior) are interfering with his relationship with his brothers, his intentions are good ones, even if they are not yet able to come to fruition.

The Chinese proverb, “If you want to become someone, become a no one,” suggests that by releasing expectations and ego, one’s true identity can express itself most freely. Joseph had many assets, but couldn’t become a leader without honest empathy and compassion for others, which his brothers weren’t helping to bring out in him. Therefore, he needed to be away from them for a time. In fact, the first time he shows compassion towards others clearly is when he is in prison. He could just sit in his cell and do nothing knowing HaShem will help him go free, but takes the extra initiative to do what good things he can, even in a terrible situation, getting along with people (39:21-23) and taking an interest in them, including interpreting their dreams (40:6-8).

Our relationships with other people very much mirror our relationships with Hashem, and in a way, HaShem needs for us to let Him express Himself. HaShem doesn’t tell us how He feels about the identity we give Him – it’s completely based on our interpretation. It is not up to Joseph to decide how HaShem will “express” Joseph’s freedom. It seems like he can be freed at any moment because Joseph is able to act like a free man even within the prison. The physical world mirrors back to the spiritual world. In fact, he expresses his desire to be freed from “this house” (40:14), suggesting that it was just a physical freedom that he required – kabbalistically the physical is the last stage of creation. In the following verse, too, he reinforces that it is just a physical imprisonment, calling the prison a “pit”, perhaps referring back to what his brothers did to him. 

In fact, Rashi suggests that Joseph’s freedom was delayed by HaShem because he put his trust in the cupbearer instead of HaShem. Joseph asked the cupbearer to mention him to Pharaoh when he was freed (40:14). I agree and don’t agree at the same time. Joseph putting his destiny in the hands of the cupbearer doesn’t sound like him. Ironically, the fact that this man is a cupbearer might symbolically tell us something deeper from the Torah. Why would Joseph, who had trusted only in HaShem for so many years put his trust in this man who didn’t even have control of his own destiny? We see that Joseph consistently depended on HaShem and attributed his success wherever he went and his dream interpretations to Him. The Torah shows how even those who believed in other gods recognized that HaShem was helping him (39:3). So even if he was trusting the cupbearer, he was mostly trusting HaShem. Perhaps Joseph was trying to meddle with HaShem’s identity by choosing the steps of how HaShem would make him free? Ideally, we should know the identity of our behaviors, all the possible reasons why we do them. If this was a mistake on Joseph’s part, perhaps it was a mistake he had to make. So in a way, it was both a mistake and wasn’t at the same time.

Did Joseph even know what his life would be like once he was freed? Of course he wanted to be free, but where was he supposed to go? The facts that Potiphar oddly put a lowly foreign slave in the prison for Pharaoh’s prisoners and that Joseph wants the cupbearer to mention him to Pharaoh suggests that subconsciously he was desiring to be in Pharaoh’s court. It could even be that he wanted to demonstrate his dream-interpretation abilities to Pharaoh (as he eventually does). It is a Hasidic concept that even unexpressed desires affect our faith, bringing us closer to what we want. If you think about it, Pharaoh (the most powerful man in the world at the time) recognizing Joseph’s skill of dream interpretation was the most critical moment  in Josephs “career”, or better, self expression of his true identity!

So any extra time he had to spend in that so-called “pit” was necessary in order to be himself. HaShem could have freed him immediately, and what would he have done next? Be the servant to some random person? Go back to his abusive family empty-handed? Live in the streets and hope someone would take him seriously if he said he could interpret their dreams?

Joseph needed to build the keli כְּלִי (Kabbalistic concept of a “vessel” or “container”) for the particular request he was making. The keli receives divine light or spiritual energy and represents spiritual energy, wisdom, and blessings. A keIi must be properly prepared and purified to receive the divine light, involving spiritual work, self-refinement, and for Joseph to align his intentions with the desire to bestow goodness upon others. This explains the title of a cupbearer: this guy was metaphorically helping Joseph  with his “cup” (a vessel).. 

What is strange is that we don’t actually know what Joseph was doing during the extra two years in prison. Maybe he was developing sensitivity for the the lowliest of Pharaoh’s court, facing any fear he could possibly have of Pharaoh, gaining knowledge of  the court’s sociology and personalities, and thus gaining confidence.

In the subconscious (where God also resides), Joseph knew that he would express his identity most fully in Pharaoh’s court. So, was he really interfering with God’s plan? Yes and no—it depended on Joseph’s intention and the “identity” of his behavior when he spoke to the cupbearer. The Zohar (169a) discusses how God also listens to the meditations of the heart. What mattered was what Joseph was congruently thinking and feeling in his behavior towards the cupbearer. 

Earlier in the story, Israel also had the right intentions for Joseph, but they were not expressed properly to his son because he had other interfering feelings, such as fear about his other sons’ behaviors and missing Rachel. These meditations of the heart affected how he connected with Joseph. For Joseph or Jacob, their feelings were born from the desires or what the heart was holding onto in their subconscious. As Carl Gustav Jung said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

May everyone who read this article, live as their truest-self always and allow others to do the same.

My poetry book about elevating relationships, such as with the self:

Better Than You Wished For