We are all blaming, all guilty
If one side gets mad, it’s a narrative. If both sides get mad, it’s probably the truth
There is something unique about Yom Kippur that might be lost in translation. Carless roads fill with children on bicycles, while families stroll and greet each other, “easy fast” and “g’mar chatima tova.” The quiet creates a rare, almost magical civic moment — perhaps the most beautiful Israeli tradition.
But beneath the simplicity lies a deeper demand. Yom Kippur is not only about how we appear to others, but about being honest with ourselves. The liturgy captures it in a line that always strikes me: “We are all wise, all understanding, all knowing… and yet we are not ashamed to return to You and say: Forgive us, pardon us, grant us atonement.”
The message is clear: our wisdom and self-righteousness don’t exempt us from the need to admit our faults. It’s not enough to stare into the mirror — we must actually see ourselves. And yet, instead of examining our own flaws, we find it much easier to see them in our opponents.
One reality, two opposite reflections
Before diving into the Israeli muddy water, let me illustrate with an American example. Even my harshest critics must admit: there is only one reality. It doesn’t change depending on opinion or politics. And yet, in the U.S., that single reality is reflected in two completely opposite ways.
For Republicans, they are the victims, and the left is the aggressor. Even President Trump has said so. Repeatedly. For Democrats, it’s the opposite: they are the victims and the right the oppressors. It’s even a leading slogan.
Both sides share one reality, yet each insists it is the persecuted one. Not just to appeal to their “base” — many see it in their mirror. We almost can’t help it. In Hebrew, it’s called “ha-poseil b’mumo poseil” — People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.
Blaming others for our own sins is not repentance. It’s a moral distortion. Which turns us all into victims.
War should not change who we are
Ernest Hemingway once wrote: “Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime.” War kills not only “the bad guys”; it corrodes the souls of those who fight it. Even if unavoidable, it compels us to do things that are not good.
Otherwise, in the name of morals or justice, we might justify almost any means. Research shows that people can justify almost anything, as long as it is wrapped in a higher value. From there, the road to corruption is short. Celebrating death in the name of justice — whether of an enemy or of a political rival — is not righteousness, it’s the opposite. Yom Kippur judges us by what we do, not by what we think.
So we shouldn’t be surprised when some progressives cheer the murder of a so-called ‘racist,’ while condemning Israelis for cheering the elimination of terrorists. We all do it. Not because we are always right and others are always wrong, but because we are blind to the same moral failures when they are committed in our name.
Not only in America
The same pattern plays out in Israel. Indeed, the Israeli case is more complex, with more than one aggressor or victim. And, true to form, Jews can’t agree on anything anyway.
The right sees both Hamas and the left as aggressors; the left sees the right and Hamas as aggressors. Each side casts itself as the victim and the other as the betrayer of sacred values. The right blames the left for sacrificing safety in the name of human rights. The left blames the right for sacrificing human rights in the name of justice. Both accuse the other of hypocrisy; both are partly right, but mostly blind.
Meanwhile, reality marches on, justifications multiply, and legitimacy erodes.
The problem is the pattern, not the camp
Between these opposing narratives, there are people from the right, left, the center, and the fringe. Throwing stones in little glass houses. However, we should all live together, not fight against one another. I’m not the only one who believes “The wolf shall dwell with the lamb, and the leftist shall lie down with the right-winger.”
And there is no moral equivalence. One side can be more wrong or much more responsible. However, the mechanism is the same. We all like to view ourselves as harmless victims and others as pure evils. Sometimes that’s true. Usually not.
And the worst part: we’re not fighting over pressing issues, but hiding behind slogans, shouting them at each other like pre-written indictments. One side reads the defense, the other the prosecution. Depending on who’s looking in the mirror. What a shame to pay such a heavy price for nothing.
The divine message
On Yom Kippur, we are not only ordered to pause, but to truly look within and challenge ourselves and our beliefs. We can fool others, even ourselves, but God sees all (and deep down, us too). And since we can’t hide, we might as well do three things this year to stop running.
First, admit. Before God and ourselves, we are all part of the problem. Not only the other side. Second, take a good look in the mirror. To recognize how we, too, twist the truth to justify wrongdoing, and make sure our stories don’t corrupt us.
Third, really mean it when we say: “Forgive us, pardon us, grant us atonement.” Not as rote recitation, but as a commitment to recognize our mistakes and be willing to change.
For if we forget that wisdom and righteousness do not replace repentance, we will remain trapped in our narratives, fueling hatred and deepening the rifts.
We are all guilty – not as an accusation, but as the first step toward repentance.
