What if the real enemy is inside our own minds? A response to Leah Aharoni

Like so many, I read the heartfelt blog of a mother whose son is serving in the IDF — raw, aching, real. Her words pierced me. Not just because of her fear (which I share as a fellow mother of two combat soldiers—one currently serving and one recently discharged), and not just because of the painful truth of Jewish division (which we’re all witnessing), but because she ended with a question I live to answer:

“Maybe you have a better idea?”

I do.

It’s not a political solution. It’s not a religious ruling.
It’s not a military strategy or a peace plan.

It’s a shift.

A shift in the moment — in how we meet the fear, the judgment, the certainty that we are right, and that “they” are wrong.

Because that certainty? That’s the real danger. It’s what drives our rage. It’s what divides brothers. It’s what turns sacred values into weapons. It’s what keeps us stuck, reacting, instead of responding with love, compassion, and wisdom.

We think the problem is “them.” The other side. The other camp.
But the truth is, the problem isn’t outside of us. It’s within us — in our own unexamined thoughts.

Most people don’t see this. Why would they? Our brains are wired to protect us, to run old patterns, to follow what feels right — even when it’s not factual. We react on autopilot. We defend. We attack. We push away.

And we think we’re making a choice.

But we’re not.

We’re just following a story in our mind — a story about being right, being righteous, being the one who knows. A story that paints the other side as ignorant, dangerous, even evil. A story that feels true… but keeps us divided.

That’s why so many of us feel powerless.
We are powerless — when we live from that place of reaction.

But what if, instead of reacting… we slowed down?

What if, in those heated moments, we paused — and looked inside, not outside?

What if we asked, What am I believing right now that’s making me feel this way?
And then, Is it really true?

Not to excuse. Not to agree. Not to become passive.

But to reclaim our power.
To stop being victims of our thoughts, our triggers, our patterns — and start becoming the people we truly want to be.

Because here’s what I’ve learned, both as a coach and as a Jewish mother:
Peace in the world begins with peace in the moment.
And you can’t create peace from a place of war inside yourself.

We want unity. We say it, we pray for it, we cry over it.
But we don’t realize: we can’t be united if we’re all stuck in our own stories.

So if you’re feeling powerless in the face of the chaos, I invite you to look inward.

Ask yourself:

• Where am I holding onto being right?
• Where am I reacting from fear, judgment, or resentment?
• Where am I blaming someone else for my pain?
• And what would shift if I paused… and chose differently?

It’s not easy work. But it’s holy work. It’s what stops the spiral.
It’s what allows us to speak with compassion, not contempt.
It’s what turns “sides” into brothers again.

We don’t need to agree on everything.
But we do need to agree on this:

There is no mitzvah worth doing if it means losing our humanity.

So yes, I do have an idea.

It’s called Living Deliberately. It’s about taking responsibility — not for the entire conflict, not for other people’s behavior, but for how you show up in each moment.

Because that’s where your power is.
That’s where real change begins.

One moment. One pause. One choice at a time.