The Blogs: Why Abuse Victims Stay Quiet - And Why You Need to Stop Asking That Question | Kyley Michele

Alright, listen up. If I had a dollar for every time some genius said, “Why didn’t you just leave?” I’d be sipping mojitos on a private island instead of writing this.

But here’s the thing – victims of abuse don’t need your judgment. They need you to shut up and listen. Because if leaving were that easy, we wouldn’t need shelters, restraining orders, or funerals.

So, since people seem to be struggling with this concept, let’s break it down real slow.

You ever heard of murder-suicides? You know, where an abuser hunts down the victim who “just left”? Yeah. That’s why many stay. Because when your life is on the line, you don’t get cute about it.

And even if the abuser isn’t immediately violent, they’re still a walking rage-fueled time bomb. They’ll stalk, harass, threaten, or ruin your life piece by piece – just to remind you who’s in control.

Want to call the cops? Cute. They’ll shrug their shoulders and tell you to “just go to court.”

Want a restraining order? That’s adorable. Have fun waiting months while your abuser gets to live their life uninterrupted.

The truth? The legal system fails victims every single day – and abusers know it. That’s why they laugh when you threaten to go to the police. They know you won’t win.

Here’s an experiment: expose an abuser and see how fast people come crawling out of the woodwork to defend them.

“But he’s such a great guy!”

“But he’s the father of their kids!”

“But he’s such a loving father!”

Oh really? So, he punches me in the face, but he once bought you a drink, so he must be innocent? Make it make sense.

This is why victims don’t speak up – because the abuser’s reputation is protected better than our safety.

Abuse isn’t just bruises and broken bones. It’s draining your bank account, ruining your credit, and making sure you’re too broke to leave.

If you’ve never had to choose between homelessness and abuse, count yourself lucky. Because financial abuse is real, and it’s why many victims feel trapped.

Think an abuser suddenly becomes a better person when you have kids? Think again. They just get better at manipulation.

Threatening to take the kids, ruining their relationship with you, turning them into pawns – all classic abuser moves.

So, before you tell a parent to “just leave,” ask yourself: Would you risk losing your kids to the monster who hurt you? Because that’s exactly what’s at stake.

Want to know when an abuser is most dangerous?

AFTER YOU LEAVE.

That’s when the stalking, harassment, revenge, and murder spike. It’s when your abuser weaponizes the legal system to drag you through hell just to prove they can.

So, next time you ask, “Why didn’t you leave?”, understand this:

Sometimes leaving means dying.

First, stop being ignorant.

Second, stop blaming victims.

Third, start actually helping.

Here’s how:

Believe victims. Stop waiting for them to show you “proof” before you give a damn.
Call out abusers. If someone jokes about “putting their woman in her place,” that’s a red flag, not a personality trait.
Support real change. Fund shelters. Push for better laws. Demand police accountability.

Abuse isn’t a victim problem. It’s a society problem – and that means we fix it.

If you need help in Israel know that you are not alone. Help is out there. Your safety matters.