Yeah, its Genetics

Before Yaakov and Eisav were even born, their destinies were already mapped out. One would become the spiritual father of the Jewish people, while the other would forge a path in the material world. From the outset, their strengths, challenges, and life trajectories were baked in.

Which brings us to an age-old debate of how much of who we are is predetermined, and how much can we shape on our own. The answer is both (typical Jewish answer, I know).

Why are some people tall, short, naturally athletic or totally not? The superficial answer is lifestyle, and the real answer is genetics. A study in Nature Genetics found that 70% of a person’s body weight is pre-influenced by genetics. Long before one starts counting calories on a food scale, their genes have already set the stage for how easy – or hard – it’ll be to lose weight.

Take myself, for example. As a white middle-class Ashkenazi Jew, my chances of owning a basketball team are significantly higher than playing for one. No amount of basketball camps could totally rewrite that reality.

This does not mean I’m powerless. Rather, it means that I have to focus on strengths that are within my reach, no different than what Yaakov and Esav had to do. Esav was the outdoorsman, a natural hunter who thrived in the physical world. Yaakov, on the other hand, was drawn to study and spirituality. Their strengths weren’t interchangeable, and that’s okay.

The problem comes when we refuse to accept these realities – when we try to push someone into a mold that doesn’t fit.

We see it all the time.

Parents trying to recreate themselves in their children, forgetting they’re raising individuals and not mini clones. Schools attempting to spit out identical “success stories” without considering each student’s abilities, and don’t even get me started on the assumption that the child of a great rabbi is automatically destined to become the next Chief Rabbi, as this kind of thinking ignores the reality of individual strengths and, as I’ve personally seen fat too often, leads to rebellion.

This is why Rivka’s understanding of her sons was crucial. She recognized that Yaakov and Eisav were on different paths (through asking the pros – a great life tip), and she acted accordingly.

We spend too much time comparing ourselves to others – wishing we had their talents, their successes, their lives, that we forget to focus on the gifts we’ve been given (Yes, we all have gifts that are unique to us).

Understanding who we are, by acknowledging both the tools we’ve been given and. More importantly, the ones we haven’t, is key to striking the balance needed to leave our own unique mark on the world.

Shabbat Shalom!