Yitzhak and Rivkah: Dysfunctional Yet Dynastically Necessary Marriage #2

 Why did Avraham send Eliezer to Aram Naharayim to find a bride for Yitzhak? True, the folk of Canaan were nothing to brag about. But then, neither were the people of his hometown – as evidenced by Lavan the master sneak, and the one who the Talmud labels “Arami oved avi” – the Aramean who would destroy my father – something of which no contemporary Canaanite has even been accused.

Toledot ends with Yaakov being sent off to Lavan’s house by his parents. Rivkah instigates this move ostensibly fearing for Yaakov’s life on account of Esav’s wrath over his stealing his blessing.

Yitzhak agrees to dispatch Yaakov thinking it is so that his younger son might fetch himself a non-Canaanite bride. Clearly Yitzhak is being tricked here by his wife:

וַתֹּ֤אמֶר רִבְקָה֙ אֶל־יִצְחָ֔ק קַ֣צְתִּי בְחַיַּ֔י מִפְּנֵ֖י בְּנ֣וֹת חֵ֑ת אִם־לֹקֵ֣חַ יַֽ֠עֲקֹ֠ב אִשָּׁ֨המִבְּנֽוֹת־חֵ֤ת כָּאֵ֨לֶּה֙ מִבְּנ֣וֹת הָאָ֔רֶץ לָ֥מָּה לִּ֖י חַיִּֽים:
And she tells Yitzhak, I am disgusted by the daughters of Het. Should Yaakov take a wife from among them, what is the point to my living?
(Bereishit 27:46)

This is the first time there is any discussion between the two concerning any problem with the local girls. (Indeed it is the first and only time we know of that any conversation takes place between Yitzhak and  Rivkah altogether.) Rivkah clearly lies to Yitzhak in providing a reason for sending Yaakov away. Rather than tell him the truth, she suggests to Yitzhak the very reason Avraham ostensibly sent Eliezer to Haran.

Yitzhak obviously prefers walking safely in the very footprints of his father, never taking any initiatives or decisions that might differ from Avraham’s, even if he does not necessarily grasp Avraham’s logic in making these decisions — and even if such a decision might be unnecessary in his case.

For example, upon arriving in Grar, Yitzhak copies Avraham’s deceit;

וַיֵּ֥שֶׁב יִצְחָ֖ק בִּגְרָֽר  וַיִּשְׁאֲל֞וּ אַנְשֵׁ֤י הַמָּקוֹם֙ לְאִשְׁתּ֔וֹ וַיֹּ֖אמֶר אֲחֹ֣תִי הִ֑וא כִּ֤י יָרֵא֙ לֵאמֹ֣ר אִשְׁתִּ֔י פֶּן־יַֽהַרְגֻ֜נִי אַנְשֵׁ֤י הַמָּקוֹם֙ עַל־רִבְקָ֔ה כִּֽי־טוֹבַ֥ת מַרְאֶ֖ה הִֽוא|
And Isaac settled in Grar”  When asked regarding his wife he said “She is my sister”.
(Bereishit 26:6-7).

Clearly the folks in Grar know very well who Yitzhak is and who his father was, and what had happened when Avraham had visited previously. Thus it can be assumed that Yitzhak was quite safe being Rivkah’s husband, as Avimelech was hardly likely to make the same mistake twice. Can it be that Yitzhak was merely copycatting his father needlessly – as was his habit – since he lacked the ability to capably make original decisions of his own?

The Philistines were aware of Yitzhak’s lineage, as they knew precisely which wells to destroy;

וְכָל־הַבְּאֵרֹ֗ת אֲשֶׁ֤ר חָֽפְרוּ֙ עַבְדֵ֣י אָבִ֔יו בִּימֵ֖י אַבְרָהָ֣ם אָבִ֑יו
סִתְּמ֣וּם פְּלִשְׁתִּ֔ים וַיְמַלְא֖וּם עָפָֽר:
And all the wells that his father’s slave had dug in Avraham’s time were plugged by the Philistines and filled with dirt
(26:15)

Clearly they had known Avraham. And they knew who Yitzhak was. Once again Yitzhak was merely stepping in his father’s footprints.  (I deliberately use ‘footprints’ instead of the vaguer and more general ‘footsteps’).

וַיִּקְרָ֤א לָהֶן֙ שֵׁמ֔וֹת כַּשֵּׁמֹ֕ת אֲשֶׁר־קָרָ֥א לָהֶ֖ן אָבִֽיו:
And he (Yitzhak) called them the same names his father had called them
(26:!8).

Which brings us back to the question; Why did Avraham send Eliezer to Haran to find a bride for Yitzhak? Can it be that it was PRECISELY because he wanted for his son a girl who had the same cunning and capacity for deceit as her brother Lavan?

Did Avraham, realizing that  Yitzhak lacked the clarity and intelligence to make the right decisions, send for a bride who had the necessary cunning to prevent his son from making a catastrophic mistake that would terminate Avraham’s legacy virtually at the starting gate?

It is abundantly clear that Rivkah’s role — and it is pivotal — was not only to be the mother of Israel, but to be Lavan’s sister (as she is repeatedly described) in her talent for chicanery, subterfuge, and outright lies in order to effect history’s trajectory.

And, indeed, it might well be that she, in turn, sent Yaakov to Lavan not because she was disgusted by the Hittite girls, and not because she feared for his life at Esav’s hand, but rather because she wanted  Yaakov, “the naïve dweller of tents” (25:24) to acquire the necessary skills to survive and flourish as the patriarch of his progeny. For, as we will see in Parshat Vayetze, Yaakov indeed learns his lesson well, ultimately outmaneuvering the crafty Lavan who served as his professor of deceit. Indeed the apprentice  far exceeded his master.

This brings us back to the whole business of Canaanite girls. The first intimation we have of there being any prejudice against the local females comes after the Torah tells us

וַיִּקַּ֤ח אִשָּׁה֙ אֶת־יְהוּדִ֔ית בַּת־בְּאֵרִ֖י הַֽחִתִּ֑י וְאֶת־בָּ֣שְׂמַ֔ת בַּת־אֵילֹ֖ן הַֽחִתִּֽי
(that Esav) tookYehudit bat Beeri the Hittite and Basmat bat Elon the Hittite” as wives
(25:34).

The following verse then states;

וַתִּֽהְיֶ֖יןָ מֹ֣רַת ר֑וּחַ לְיִצְחָ֖ק וּלְרִבְקָֽה
And there was bitterness for Yitzhak and Rivkah
(25:35).

This is the last verse in Chapter 25. However I would suggest that it has nothing to do with Esav’s choice of wives and everything to do with the nature of the relationship  between Yitzhak and Rivkah. In fact, this verse belongs to the following chapter which relates the crucial saga of Yitzhak’s blessing which he intended for Esav and which Rivkah intended for Yaakov.

Furthermore, this very sentence has a curious pause in it, an etnahta between the first half וַתִּֽהְיֶ֖יןָ מֹ֣רַת ר֑וּחַ  And there was bitterness and the second half לְיִצְחָ֖ק וּלְרִבְקָֽה for Yitzhak and Rivkah.

Grammatically there is NO reason for an etnahta IF the subject were their shared dislike for Canaanite brides. However,  the etnahta makes the entire verse almost unintelligible UNLESS we understand it to signify the rupture between Yitzhak and Rivkah rather than one between the two parents and Esav.

This etnahta signals the irreparable gap in in a relationship which , like that of Avraham and Sarah, was dynastically necessary but romantically  a disaster.

Surely this was the bitterness – the bitterness between a husband and wife who have an estranged relationship whose outcome will determine the course of history.

The chapter divisions in the Torah are not of Jewish origin. The Torah was never carved up by our Sages into chapters. We merely use the conventional divisions that were introduced by Christian scholars. It is thus entirely possible that they erred in designating this verse as the concluding sentence of Chapter 25 rather than making it the opening verse of chapter 26 which would make a GREAT DEAL more sense.

As for Esav; in this regard he is clueless. The first time he gets wind of his father objecting to Canaanite women comes after Yitzhak agrees to send Yaakov away at the very end of the Parsha;

וַיַּ֣רְא עֵשָׂ֔ו כִּ֥י רָע֖וֹת בְּנ֣וֹת כְּנָ֑עַן בְּעֵינֵ֖י יִצְחָ֥ק אָבִֽיו
And Esav saw that the girls of Canaan were bad in his father’s eyes
(28:8)

And, so, realizing this for the very first time, Esav turns to Yishmael in order to take Nahalat,  Avraham’s granddaughter, as a wife “above” his other wives.

Indeed, one might wonder why Yitzhak didn’t think of Yishmael’s daughters for Yaakov, before sending him off to Lavan. But then. Yitzhak’s thought process was clearly wanting, and Rivkah took excellent advantage of this.

The utter lack of communication between Yitzhak and Rivkah  is obvious throughout – from the moment Rivkah sets her eyes on Yitzhak in Hayyei Sarah and throughout Toledot.

At the very beginning of Toledot, 20 years after her marriage to Yitzhak, when Rivkah is finally pregnant and her fetuses are running amok in her womb – yes BOTH boys­ וַיִּתְרֹֽצֲצ֤וּ הַבָּנִים֙ בְּקִרְבָּ֔הּ (25:22) she is told in prophecy  וְרַ֖ב יַֽעֲבֹ֥ד צָעִֽיר, and the elder shall serve the younger ((25:23.

Surely she should have shared this critical piece of information with her husband? And surely Yitzhak should have paid heed? Can anyone imagine a wife NOT bringing such vital information to her husband’s attention? (Yet let’s not forget – in the patriarchal chain of dysfunctional, non-communicative marriages – that Avraham never informed Sarah that God had told him they would have a son together.)

Clearly, Rivkah felt that in the case of Yitzhak there was no one to really talk to. Had their relationship been more normal, a great deal of the sturm und drang, deceit and subterfuge, lies and displacement that make Toledot such fascinating reading might have been completely unnecessary.