You Shall Love – Like a Child, I’m Longing to be Told
Dear God,
You probably know – well of course You know – that comedians get laughs by sharing matters from their therapy. I heard one where the comedian emerges from his session with a mission to call his father and ask him, “Why did you never tell me that you loved me?” The audience laughed a bit. He went on. “I called my dad, and I asked him, ‘Dad! Why did you never tell me that you loved me?’” More laughter. “My dad answered,” – here he switches to what is supposed to be a Clueless Dad Voice – “I never knew you wanted to hear it!” The audience convulsed with hilarity.
I was shaken with sadness.
Avraham walked through fire for You. Did You ever tell Avraham that You love him?
Yitzchak was an instant away from martyrdom in Your name. Did You ever tell Yitzchak that You love him?
Leah was scorned and diminished while raising six of Your twelve tribes. Did You ever tell Leah that You love her?
You gathered Moshe’s soul with a kiss. But did You say, “I love you?”
You demanded that I love the stranger. Thirty-six times. Would it be so difficult to say, “I love you?” Once?
You declared that I should love my neighbor as I love myself. Can You say, instead, that I should love my neighbor “as I love you?”
The words eventually came through Your prophets, but only in tense moments of wrestling:
As You foretold my doom;[1]
As You attempted to console me on the threshold of my destruction;[2]
As You accused me of betrayal.[3]
How about, “The Lord said to Moshe, speak to the children of Yisrael, saying ‘I love you. I am God?’”[4]
You commanded me to love You. Not a Hallmark love. A love of all my being.
Of course I love You.
You redeemed me from slavery.
You entrusted me with Your Torah.
You anointed me as Your nation.
You escorted me to my homeland.
You sustain me there today.
These miracles speak of Your love for me. Yet I still long to hear the words.
As for me, I am more than grateful. You need not command me to love You. I love You. A love of all my being.
We stood side by side under the Chuppah of Sinai. Amidst all the words that You pronounced there, the words “I love you” were never said.
Do You Love Me?
I know. Of course You do.
Yet I yearn to hear those words…from You.
Love,
Yisrael
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[1] “I fell in love with Yisrael when he was still a child…Because they refuse to repent, a sword shall descend upon their towns and consume their limbs and devour them because of their designs.” (Hosea 11: 1, 5-6)
[2] “Eternal love I conceived for you then; Therefore, I continue My grace to you. I will build you firmly again, O Maiden Yisrael!” (Jeremiah 31: 3-4) This is God comforting Yisrael before God allows Jerusalem’s destruction in an epoch so devastating that Jeremiah will later comment, “Those slain by the sword are better off than those slain by hunger.” (Lamentations 4:9).
[3] “I have shown you love, said God…A son should honor his father, and a slave his master. Now if I were a father, where would be the honor due Me? And if I were a master, where would be the reverence due Me? —said God of Hosts to you, O priests who scorn My name.” (Malachi 1: 2,6)
[4] Never: Nowhere
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This post was originally submitted to the Academy for Jewish Religion anthology, “You Shall Love – an AJR Tu B’Av Supplement.” A lightly edited version appears there.
