Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup–Day 18
Mixed emotions were the order of the day for the Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup (ZGWC) as it viewed the day’s only match, featuring Canada and South Africa in a Round of 32 knockout match. Since October 7th, official Canada at every level has been underwhelming, at best, in response to those seeking to kills Jews, whether in Israel or in Toronto. The ZGWC has been anxious to pour negative energy on The Canucks in this tournament. Aside from their first round match against Switzerland, the ZGWC has been frustrated in this quest, as the Canadians have repeatedly served as the lesser of two evils. Such was the case again today with South Africa. The South African government has pursued a consistent anti-Israel foreign policy for many years. This obnoxious trend accelerated after October 7th with their shambolic effort to pursue genocide charges against Israel in the International Court of Justice. Consequently, however much the ZGWC may be chomping at the bit to root against Canada, priorities dictated otherwise. Few soccer experts expected the Bafana Bafana to make it out of their group, so the fact that they were still alive in the tournament was a significant achievement and an irritation to the ZGWC. A combination of marginally competent play by the South Africans, combined with persistent sloppiness from the more talented Canadians served to extend the duration of the ZGWC’s cognitive dissonance in hoping for a Canadian goal. As the prospect of extra time loomed, LAFC’s Steven Eustáquio, the Canadian captain, scored in the second minute of stoppage time to put an end to the collective misery. While the South Africans will likely leave this tournament with their heads held high, the ZGWC is gratified that they are finally eliminated. Abject humiliation was the intended goal, but the ZGWC will settle for a deflating defeat.
Over the next two days, there will be a total of six knockout round games. Here’s the skinny….
Monday leads off with a match that really deserves to be in a later round. Perennial powerhouse Brazil faces off against a very well-organized and technical Japanese squad. The Blue Samurai have some injury issues, but they played an outstanding round of group matches. Their only real blotch was conceding a tying goal to Sweden in a match where the Japanese had outplayed their opponents. Brazil tied Morocco in their opener, but then took care of business the rest of the way. La Seleção will be the heavy favorite in this match, and that will be hard cheese for the Japanese. Do not expect the Japanese to roll over against the Brazilians, though. They will fight hard for the entire length of the match. The current setting of Lula-da-Silva-Showing-Up-At-A-Critical-Match-Sporting-His-Keffiyeh clock is at six minutes to midnight. The ZGWC is hoping against hope that the Japanese can rip the hands off of that clock.
To many casual observers, if there is any association between Germany and Paraguay it is that the former produces Nazi war criminals and the latter provides them with safe haven. While not letting bygones be bygones, Germany, as noted in previous blogs, deserves some credit for its pro-Israel advocacy in the wake of October 7th. As for Paraguay, President Santiago Pena visited Israel in December 2024 and participated in the opening of the Paraguayan embassy in Jerusalem. The data points in the previous sentence should provide all of the guidance one needs to determine who is favored in this match-up. Because the Paraguayans have serious problems scoring goals, they will likely need to rely on defending, set pieces, and ultimately penalty kicks in order to survive. It would be a huge upset if they manage to pull off a victory.
Brazil-Japan is not the only Round of 32 match which comes entirely too early in the competition. The Netherlands versus Morocco game is a match-up of two highly-rated teams, teams which are capable of deep runs in the tournament. With this pairing, though, one of them will be sorely disappointed. Hard cheese on these squads, as well. Both teams present a mixed bag for the ZGWC. Netherlands, which had a history of tolerance, has taken a severe anti-Israel turn since October 7th. Morocco is a party to the Abraham Accords, and that is to the good. However, Morocco is one of three Arab countries left in the tournament, along with Egypt and Algeria. Of the three, Morocco has the best chance to win multiple knockout round games. If they do so, they will become the bearer Arab national pride–a pride that often expresses itself in support for Palestinian nationalism. This certainly was the case in Qatar in 2022. The ZGWC wants both teams’ tournaments to come to premature ends. The bracket is very tough (except for Canada), and there is an excellent chance that whichever team wins this round (and after dispatching Canada in the Round of 16) will be vulnerable in the quarterfinals.
Tuesday’s matches begin with Ivory Coast taking on Norway. Ivory Coast is the clear favorite over the Israel-despising Norwegians. While the Norwegians have played well so far in the tournament, Les Éléphants have also had a strong tournament performance. Hopefully, they will find gaps in the Norwegian back line and find some way to control the dreaded Erling Haaland. The ZGWC is hoping the Ivory Coast will send the Norwegian fans rowing back to their foresaken landet.
High-flying France will play the dour Swedes next. France will be highly favored in this match by soccer experts. For the ZGWC, though, they are still France, and France’s actions have been risible since October 7th. The ZGWC has a proud tradition of loathing Sweden. However, now is no time for vapid traditions. The ZGWC is forced to endorse the Blågult in this match. The Swedes lack the firepower of the Froggies, and they will need all the help they can get in trying to best Les Bleus. If asked, the Swedes might even welcome the support of Zionists. Probably best not to ask them, though.
For the nightcap, La Tri of Ecuador will visit Mexico City’s Azteca to take on El Tri of Mexico. Mexico is coming into this match having won its three group matches and having not surrendered a single goal. Ecuador, though, will be a tougher challenge than any team Mexico has played so far. The Ecuadorans are stout defenders, are used to playing before crazed, hostile crowds on the road in Latin America, and are used to playing at altitude. Unfortunately for La Tri, they are not so used to scoring goals. So far as the ZGWC is concerned, this match is a no-brainer. Ecuador has a pro-Israel president and a pro-Israel foreign policy. Conversely, so far as the ZGWC is aware, Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum has never even attended a shul sisterhood meeting. Gevalt.
