Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup–Day 30
DISCLAIMER: The Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup (ZGWC) hereby declares that it has not engaged in any match-fixing or referee-bribing or any other nefarious activities in connection with the Argentine National Football Team. Moreover, the ZGWC does not even own a Lionel Messi jersey or know how to dance the Tango. More on Argentina below.
TRIGGER WARNING: Settler Colonialism will be discussed later in this blog.
But first, let’s catch up on the weekend’s quarterfinals action. The first two matches featured four European countries which pursue largely anti-Israel foreign policies. Two of these countries are of consequence in Europe: Spain and England. The other two countries are of lesser consequence, but they feel better about themselves by ranting against the Jewish state, to wit: Belgium and Norway. The ZGWC understands the basic laws of physics and that it was an impossibility that all four teams would go down in defeat. Of necessity, two teams would have to win. If forced to choose, teams representing countries of little to no consequence are probably preferred.
On Friday, the anti-Semites from Spain took on the anti-Semites from Belgium. The Spaniards were fresh off of their victory over their Portuguese neighbors and were the favorites for the match against the Belgians. For their part, the Red Devils had downed the beloved USMNT, who turned in a disastrous performance in their Round of 16 match. Spain had the better part of play, but the score remained tied until nearly the end of regulation. The Belgians, no doubt, were looking forward to extra time and the opportunity to take La Roja to penalty kicks. Unfortunately for the Flems, their veteran goalkeeper, Thibault Courtois, picked up a thigh injury and had to be subbed out in the 71st minute. A goalkeeping mistake by his replacement led to the decisive goal by Mikel Merino in the 88th minutes. The Belgians had no time to respond, so the more consequential anti-Israel country advanced to the semi-finals. Nebuch.
England and Norway faced off in the first match on Saturday in sort of a rematch of the Battle of Hastings. Erling the Conqueror led the Normans against the English with Jude Bellingham taking a turn at the King Harold role. In both instances, a bitter, hard fought struggle ensued, with the tide of battle changing sides multiple times. In the 1066 edition, old King Harold ended up dead and likely dismembered. For 2026, though, Bellingham scored a brace, so good on him. The Norwegians were left with a single goal and multiple complaints about the referees and television camera wires. So far as has been reported, they have not attributed their defeat to some sort of Israeli intelligence operation. Not yet, at any rate.
Argentina downed Switzerland in the last quarterfinal match, and herein lies the controversy which necessitated the disclaimer at the start of this blog. Coming into this match, there was much chatter about favoritism shown for Lionel Messi, and there were copious complaints from Egypt and their supporters about supposed referee partiality towards Argentina. These rumbling controversies were the backdrop to the match against the Swiss. The Albiceleste struck first with a goal in the 10th minute. The Swiss did not fall apart, though, and continued to press the heavily-favored Argentines. Their efforts paid off in the 67th minute as Dan Ndoye scored the equalizer. The tables had turned, and in an instant, the chance of the big upset loomed. That good feeling lasted all of about two minutes when Leandro Parades received a yellow card for sending Swiss striker Breel Embolo flying into a crashing heap. The VAR referee intervened, though, as the video showed that Parades had only made minimal, at best, contact with Embolo. Embolo had, in a word, flopped.
At that point, the referee withdrew the yellow card to Parades and awarded it instead to Embolo. As it was Embolo’s second yellow, it acted as a red card, and Embolo was ejected from the game. Immediately upon the issuance of the red card, the chatter about pro-Argentinian calls began afresh. Clearly, these critics claimed, the referees are favoring Argentina. Zionist conspiracy? (I am just asking questions here. That’s all. I am not insinuating anything. What’s wrong with a simple question?) The Swiss defended bravely for the balance of regular time, but the Argentines broke through twice in extra time to secure the win, 3-1.
The semifinals are now set with France and Spain playing on Tuesday and Argentina and England playing on Wednesday.
Now the promised discussion about settler colonialism. For several years now, we have endured much talk about the evils of settler colonialism. Much ink has been spilled about how settler colonialism serves as the stark dividing line between the virtuous and the diabolically evil.
Which brings us to the four teams still alive in the World Cup. Save for a few months in the heady days in the spring of 1982 in the Falklands and South Georgia Island, Argentina has never successfully colonized anything. As for the remaining semi-finalists….
Question: What do Brazil, Suriname, Cape Verde, Guinea-Bissau, Liberia, Sao Tome and Principe, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Libya (except for a few years after 1942), Ethiopia, Angola, Mozambique, Saudi Arabia, Iran, Bhutan, Thailand, Indonesia, and Timor Leste have in common?
Answer: None of the foregoing were ever colonies or possessions of either England, France or Spain. Every remaining country in the Western Hemisphere, Africa, south Asia, and Oceania, at some point, was under the thumb of either the Spanish, the French, or the English. This is quite remarkable when one thinks about it. All the more so, given the zeal with which the current governments of these countries preach about the evils of Jewish occupation of a tiny piece of real estate in the eastern Levant. The sun never seems to set on the hypocrisy expressed by these former imperial powers.
When it comes to Spain versus France, it will be necessary to have one’s motion sickness bag in arm’s reach. As bad as France has been since October 7th, as insipid and pusillanimous as Emmanuel Macron has acted during this period, Spain under Pedro Sanchez has been markedly worse. This is no small achievement, and the ZGWC acknowledges it accordingly. Cheering for France, though, is a double edged sword, as they appear to be the most talented squad in the tournament, and playing at the top of their game, as it were. A French victory in the semifinal puts them one match closer to the championship, but so be it. The Spanish have been that bad. Furthermore, there are strong suspicions of corruption and fraud surrounding Sanchez and his wife, leading to suspicions–at least by the ZGWC–that Sanchez waves the flag of Palestine, in part, to distract the Spanish public from his own moral and ethical failings. Allez Les Bleus–at least for ninety more minutes.
