Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup–Day 33
“I will bless those who bless you, And curse the one who curses you….”
Bereshit 12:3.
In April, Argentinian President Javier Milei visited the Kotel and went to Har Herzl on Yom HaAtzmaut.
Nearly a week ago, the presumptive next Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Andy Burnham, issued an apology for his Labour Party’s initial response to October 7th as being too supportive of Israel. He pledged that once in office, his government would do more pressure and sanction the Jewish State.
The contrast between these two leaders serves as an important part of the backdrop for today’s showdown between Argentina and England. In short, the set-up could not have been more ideal for the brutal application of HaShem’s admonition to Avram in Genesis.
In only their sixth meeting ever, the two sides fought a tense, chippy first half in which neither team got a good look at goal. In the second half, Argentina was on the front foot, launching repeated attacks on the English goal. In the 55th minute, though, a precise English counterattack cut the Argentines wide open, and Barcelona forward Anthony Gordon buried the ball into the back of the Argentine net. With the 1-nil scoreline to their credit, the English conceded possession to the Albiceleste–even though a blind man could have seen that the Argentines would eventually break through. The Argentines laid siege to the English goal for most of the rest of the game. The Three Lions defended stoutly, and keeper Jordan Pickford made one excellent save after another. The match progressed to the last five minutes of regulation, and the long suffering English fans (fans who were largely silent in October 2025, when Birmingham authorities banned Israeli fans from attending the Europa League match between Aston Villa and Maccabi Tel Aviv) could glimpse soccer salvation, the erasure of sixty years of World Cup futility. All their heroes needed to do was to survive for a few more minutes.
And then Lionel Messi (who in 2013 donned a kippah and paid his own visit to the Kotel) played a cross to Chelsea midfielder Enzo Fernandez who struck an absolute golazo from twenty-five yards away–hereinafter to be known as the “Golazo of HaShem.”
In that instant, the proud English tradition of self-loathing and fear of footballing failure roared back to life. Lautaro Martinez’s 90’+2′ header (also assisted by the aforementioned Messi) merely serves to confirm what had been previously suspected about the pasty-face, Anglo-Saxon history of choking in moments of high drama.
The Argies triumphed, 2-1, avenged their loss of the Falklands, and proved that they are truly blessed. At least they were blessed in the last fifteen minutes of today’s match. Sunday’s final against Spain will test how enduring today’s good fortune is.
On Saturday, England and France will play what most Americans would probably consider a meaningless match for third place. The English and the French will not view the match in the same light. While their dreams have been crushed, they will still fight hard to salvage some winning note with which to conclude their World Cup journeys. In the history of Anglo-French conflicts, there have been numerous signal English wins over the Froggies–the names of which resonate in the halls of history. Here is a sampling: Agincourt, Crecy, Blenheim, Trafalgar, and Waterloo. Even Mers-El-Kébir ended up with a 7-nil English rout, despite French complaints about the absolutely horrid referees. Correspondingly significant French victories over the Limeys are few and far between, the most notable being the one where the French were led by a teenaged girl. The Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup (ZGWC) will be forced to cheer for the French. Emmanuel Macron, for all of his obvious failings, is not quite as obnoxiously anti-Israel as the Labour government in Britain. Besides, a fourth place finish in the World Cup could very well hasten the long-anticipated next chapter of the English Civil War.
Sunday’s final between Argentina and Spain is notable for two particular reasons. First, it will be the first final since the inaugural 1930 World Cup final (Argentina vs. Uruguay) where both teams speak the same language. This means that the players will have their full arsenals of obscenities and insults at their disposal and can employ them with near total confidence that they will be fully understood. Second, since the ZGWC began pontificating on the World Cup in 2010, there has only been one previous final where there was a clear philo-Semitic favorite–the 2010 final between the Netherlands and Spain–back in the days when the Dutch were still tolerable to the ZGWC. The 2010 Spanish team, though, was heavily favored in that match and were clearly the team of destiny in that tournament. For 2026, though, Argentina is even more favored by the ZGWC than the Dutch were in 2010. Further, while the Spaniards will probably be the bookies’ favorites, they are by no means a team of destiny in a contest against the Lionel Messi-led Argentines.
Once more unto the breach, dear (Argentine) friends….
