Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup–Group B/C/D Previews

(Dear Reader(s): If you read far enough in this lengthy post, you will find a bonus Bob Dylan quote.)

Group B

Every World Cup features a first-round group known histrionically as “The Group of Death.” The title is applied to the group that is so evenly matched that any team has an equal chance to either win or be eliminated.

For the Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup (“ZGWC”), the Group of Death is the label given to the group where all of the participating countries (for want of a better phrase) “basically suck.” Unfortunately for the friends of Israel, about half of the twelve first round groups consist largely of teams from countries which (and please excuse the technical terminology) “basically suck.”

Now, dear Reader(s), there is only one of the six potential Groups of Death which truly is The Group of Death, as distinguished by its collective stench of anti-Zionism and Jew hatred. Our Group B is not that Group of Death. Rather, it’s a sort of Group of Death Lite.

Group B consists of Canada, Bosnia & Herzegovina, Qatar, and Switzerland.

In the previous edition of the ZGWC, such adjectives as “plucky” and “scrappy” were used to describe the Canadians. Not this time, though. Let’s try “loathsome” for a start. For reasons which are inexplicable to those who live south of the 49th Parallel, Canadians have seen fit to re-create their country as a spineless, insipid Western European social democracy. The Canadians used to be considered the shock troops of the British Empire, earning battle honors at such places as Vimy Ridge, Dieppe, and Juno Beach. And while, no doubt, many individual Canadians retain a sense of courage and conviction, their government and their elite class have become as subservient to pseudo-intellectual leftist nonsense as any Scandinavian or Benelux country.

Since October 7th, Canada has been the site of countless vicious anti-Semitic protests and dozens of violent incidents. Worse, the government’s response has been largely toothless and pusillanimous. Recently released recordings show that the Canadian police themselves are infected with anti-Semitic attitudes. There is an ominous cloud on the future safety of the Canadian Jewish community–against which the authorities seem helpless to avert. Since October 7th, fewer countries have plunged further in the ZGWC’s regard than Canada.

Bosnia & Herzegovina presents a mixed picture. During World War II, the Mufti of Jerusalem helped raise two SS divisions from the Bosnian Muslim community. Following October 7th, there have been a number of large anti-Israel demonstrations in Sarajevo–probably reflective of the attitudes of the Muslim majority population. On the other hand, Bosnia has maintained solid diplomatic and economic relations with Israel since October 7th. Certainly, there are a slew of European countries who have been worse than Bosnia & Herzegovina. Also, it should be noted that the Zmajevi (as they are known in Bosnian) secured passage to the World Cup by knocking out Italy on the foot of Esmir Bajraktarevic, the pride of Appleton, Wisconsin.

Qatar is, by far, the worst of Group B and should be rooted against in every match, regardless of opponent. Any reader of this column should understand this situation instinctively. However, if more justification is required, let’s put it this way: Qatar does not just “basically suck,” but it “really most sincerely sucks.” Qatar has poisoned the wider Middle East with its money and its Al Jazeera-facilitated propaganda. Moreover, Qatar has affected both discourse and policy in Europe and America with the toxic reach of its petro-dollars. Perhaps the only good thing about Qatar in this World Cup is that only a minimal amount of energy need be expended cheering for the Qataris’ Group B opponents. You see, except for one player who plays in Spain’s second division, the entire squad plies its trade in the Qatari league, a league which, naturally, sucks.

Switzerland has never been viewed with favor by the ZGWC. The dour Swiss kept too many Jews out of their country during the Nazi years whilst absconding with too much Jewish money for the ZGWC to ever feel positively about Rossocrociati in the World Cup. Added to this history are recent revelations that Swiss banks still have not fully disclosed the extent of their theft of Jewish money during the Shoah–despite decades of efforts by international investigators. Since October 7th, Swiss authorities have taken measures to contain the Islamist elements of its Muslim population, more so than many of its European neighbors. These measures, though, were not likely instituted out of any tardy sense of philo-Semitism, but were, no doubt, the product of longstanding Swiss self-interest.

In the final analysis, Bosnia & Herzegovina gets a slightly more pareve rating than Switzerland; Canada gets a “no;” and Qatar gets an emphatic “no.” Go and learn.

Group C

‎Similar to Group B, Group C is on the spectrum of Groups of Death at the 2026 FIFA World Cup. Put another way, three out of four is pretty bad.

Brazil is the headliner of the group. Having won the World Cup more than any other country, Brazil is a model of consistency with respect to its footballing prowess. When it comes to Israel, though, well, how does one say “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” in Portuguese? For the 2022 World Cup, Brazil was governed by decidedly pro-Israel Jair Bolsonaro, and the ZGWC endorsed the Seleção accordingly. Since then, though, the majority of Brazilian voters opted to hand power back to Lula da Silva and his programmatic leftist goons. Similar to the first time he was president (2003-2011), Lula da Silva’s government has pursued an anti-Israel agenda almost from the very instant it regained power. Brazil enthusiastically joined South Africa’s genocide case against Israel in the International Court of Justice. Lula da Silva has been declared persona non grata in Israel, and currently neither country has an ambassador serving in the other’s country.

Morocco is also a bit of a Jekyll and Hyde situation for the ZGWC. On the one hand, Morocco is a signatory of the Abraham Accords, and the government works closely with Israel’s as their interests align in multiple ways. Based on this, the ZGWC endorsed the Moroccans going into the 2022 World Cup. On the other hand, during the course of that World Cup, the Moroccan squad became the darlings of the entire Arab world as they obtained a hard-fought fourth place finish. In large part, the pan-Arab support for the Atlas Lions manifested itself with pro-Palestinian demonstrations outside the Qatari stadiums and the waving of Palestinian flags within those stadiums. The Moroccan squad welcomed this support. For 2026, to the extent the Moroccan team revels in the support of the “Arab street,” the ZGWC will take a hard pass on them.

In terms of soccer power, Haiti is clearly the weakest team in the group. However, Haiti also has the strongest claim for the ZGWC endorsement for Group C. Haiti, the second oldest independent state in the Western Hemisphere, has been a basket case from the moment of its founding. The whole world has found ways to hinder the progress of this state formed from a successful slave revolt. In addition, the Haitians themselves have found plenty of ways on their own to hinder their state’s progress in the wider world. The fact that they managed to qualify for the World Cup is a minor miracle. Israel has had occasion to provide support to Haiti during various earthquakes and other disasters. One of Les Grenadiers’ standout players, Frantzdy Pierrot, spent a couple of years scoring goals for Maccabi Haifa. That is more than sufficient for the ZGWC to endorse Haiti for Group C.

Finally, there’s the Tartan Army of Scotland. As part of the United Kingdom, Scotland does not have its own foreign policy. However, the lack of the power to conduct foreign affairs has not seemed to have hindered the leaders of the Scottish National Party from pontificating about the Arab-Israeli conflict. After October 7th, then Scottish First Minister Humza Yousaf did not hesitate to condemn Israel for both actual and imagined events. In doing so, Yousaf proved himself to be a useful mouthpiece for the anti-Semitic Islamist forces afoot across the British Isles. Yousaf’s successor, John Swinney, has been better on Israel, but only in the face of bitter opposition from the rank-and-file of the ruling SNP. Were Scotland to achieve independence from Westminster, it would most assuredly follow an anti-Israel foreign policy akin to that conducted by Ireland.

In sum, three out of four ain’t good in Group C.

Group D

Sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing….

…From the Grand Coulee Dam to the Capitol.

Group D boasts the presence of the United States. Of all of the forty-eight countries in the field at the 2026 World Cup, the U.S. of A. is clearly the indispensable nation for the ZGWC. The ZGWC has always strongly endorsed the USMNT in every World Cup. How much more so in this edition as the US and Israel work as a combined force to fight the Islamic Republic of Iran. Here’s to hoping that names like Christian Pulisic, Weston McKennie, Tyler Adams, Antonee Robinson, and Chris Richards, among others, become household words in America during the course of a deep run through the tournament. Goalkeeper Matt Turner is an MOT, but that is a mere footnote for the ZGWC. The keys are that they beat Turkey (see below), advance out of their group, and win a few games in the knockout rounds.

Poor Paraguay. If they were in practically any other group, Los Guaraníes would be the ZGWC’s favorite. Why? Paraguay happens to be one of the seven countries that have their embassy in Jerusalem. Paraguayan President Santiago Pena is strongly pro-Israel, and Paraguay’s foreign policy since October 7th has been supportive of Israel. Unfortunately for the Paraguay side, they are probably the weakest South American team in the tournament. Also, they open their campaign against the Yanks, which should be supported by a large friendly USA crowd (for a change).

Similar to Canada, Australia has plunged in the ZGWC’s regard since October 7th. The Labour government has been weak-kneed and spineless in the face of rabid pro-Hamas mobs. Under the leadership of Foreign Minister Penny Wong, Australia has pursued a consistent anti-Israel foreign policy. The lethal combination of widespread tolerance of anti-Semitic protests along with incessant carping at Israel from the Australian government inexorably led to one result: the Bondi Beach massacre on the first night of Chanukah. Australian officials, police, media, and cultural elites have much for which to answer. While the Socceroos are not to blame for the sorry state of Australia, they are not part of the answer, either.

Turkey (the ZGWC will not refer to it as “Türkiye”) is not at the very bottom of the ZGWC’s list of the worst countries in the 2026 World Cup, but they are pretty darn close. Turkey, led by rabid anti-Semite Recep Tayyip Erdogan, has become one of the most toxic nations in the wider Middle East. In addition to his uncensored Jew hatred, Erdogan has made little effort to cloak his desire to establish some sort of neo-Ottoman Empire. He has proved not only that he is a cold-blooded authoritarian in domestic politics, but he is also shamelessly corrupt. Turkey is so bad, in fact, that the ZGWC will have to root for the Australians over the Crescent-Stars in their match. That’s pretty bad.

The ZGWC is pulling for Turkey to get grouped and for the Yanks to win the group. Roll on, Columbia.