Doug Klein

Zionist’s Guide to World Cup — Day 5

Yesterday, it was Argentina’s turn; today it was Germany’s.  Die Mannschaft, highly regarded and all, blew a 1-nil lead to the disciplined and unflappable Japanese and lost 1-2.  It is so satisfying, that I will say it again:  the proud Germans lost.  Admittedly with a starting line-up featuring first names such as Nico, Antonio, Ilkay, Joshua, Kamal, Kai, and Serge, this is not a particularly shining example of  Aryan manhood.  Still, the German nation anthem has the same tune (albeit with different lyrics) as it had during the bad old days.

In a contest of teams favored by the Zionist’s Guide to the World (ZGWC), Croatia and Morocco fought to a nil-nil draw.  Their pro-Israel credentials must have cancelled each other out.

On the other hand, the ZGWC’s endorsement of Costa Rica apparently did it no favors as Los Ticos were crushed by Spain, 7-0.  The similarly endorsed Canadians thoroughly outplayed the much-reviled Belgians, except for amount of time the Red Devils needed to score the decisive goal to win the match.

Tomorrow’s lineup begins with Cameroon versus Switzerland. This is a simple choice, while Cameroon does have issues with democratic governance, it is one of Israel’s strongest diplomatic supporters in Africa. The Swiss, on the other hand, always seems to have a soft spot for Israel’s adversaries.

The second match features a contest between two ZGWC-endorsed squads:  Uruguay and South Korea.  One can feel free to root for either, unless one has an aversion to players with a history of biting other players (See: Luis Suarez).

The Black Stars of Ghana will then face off against Portugal.  Like Cameroon, Ghana has a healthy relationship with Israel and lacks any longstanding history of anti-Semitism.  Cheer for Ghana.  They may need it against the very talented Portuguese.

The last game of the day sees Brazil take on Serbia.  The ZGWC’s opinion of Brazil is in flux with the recent reelection of Lula da Silva.  On the other hand, Serbia received a weak pareve rating.  In the recent UN Fourth Committee of the General Assembly vote to refer Israel to the International Court of Justice, Brazil voted with the anti-Israel bloc, and the Serbs abstained.  For this match, the ZGWC will not abstain.  Cheer for the Serbs.

About the Author
Doug Klein is an attorney in Chicago and the wrestling coach at Ida Crown Jewish Academy.
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