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So apparently Israel’s $480 Million purchase of German submarines wasn’t entirely Kosher LaPesach, and Prime Minister Netanyahu’s friends keep getting arrested in what is no doubt just a big misunderstanding. Because the police are using some very hurtful words. Like “Bribery“. And “Tax Evasion“. And “Fraud“. But the intrepid journalists at the Daily Freier knew that there had to be a good reason for all of this, and sure enough, The Prime Minister provided us with 10 amazingly convincing explanations. So without further ado, here they are:

1) I was only trying to find the Reform a new prayer space.

2) Maybe Sarah won’t find me down there.

3) It was a great place to avoid John Kerry’s phone calls.

4) Next time Trump visits, we’re locking Oren Hazan inside.

5) For Pride Week, the sailors want to park it on Gordon Beach and turn it into a disco.

6) Lo ivanti. Can you repeat the question?

7) I keep doing dumb shit like this just to give Labor a fighting chance.

8) I will provide a full explanation just as soon as the new Tel Aviv light rail is completed.

9) Hanin Zoabi recommended it. And she knows a thing or two about boats.

10) Relax! I was planning on breaking my word and screwing over the seller before the purchase was finalized.