A Paradox in Israeli Society: Disabled and Independent

“Who left you here?”

I didn’t really have time to ponder it in the moment, as I was in the middle of navigating a narrow sidewalk with almost no kerb cut, driving my power wheelchair in Jerusalem. After I’d successfully made it off, I stopped and turned to face the man asking the question.

“What do you mean?” I asked, incredulously.

I have to admit, when the question first registered in my mind, my first emotional response was extreme annoyance. Here we go again, I thought.

“Why do you think someone ‘left me here’? I’m an independent woman”, I continued. “I’m out on my own all the time. I don’t need someone helping me right now”.

He could sense my annoyance and growing anger, backed off pretty quickly, and apologized.

This wasn’t my first rodeo. In fact, I can’t go a day here in Israel without somebody making some comment about my disability.. These comments can range anywhere from ‘Refuah Shelimah’ (speedy recovery) to ‘Do you need help?’ to my personal favourite, “Do you need a caregiver?’ Actually, I think the first example I gave above tops that.

I often tell people that if I had a dollar for every time someone has asked unwanted questions, given unsolicited advice or made a ridiculous assumption about me and my disability, I’d be rich. Extremely rich.

You may be thinking it comes from a good place or people have good intentions. I believe, however, this approach actually stems from the following three things: ignorance, arrogance and entitlement. They all feed into each other which has created this cycle of society constantly running on a hamster wheel of problematic thinking with no end in sight.

The Big Three

Let’s start with ignorance.

In my experience, Israeli society is quite sheltered when it comes to differences in disability (both how they manifest cognitively and physically) and it actually cannot grasp that because of this, you can’t paint everyone with the same brush. It doesn’t work that way.

Take me, for instance. I have spastic quadriplegic cerebral palsy which means all four limbs are impacted CP.  Without going into too much detail, cerebral palsy occurs due to a lack of oxygen to the brain at some point prior to birth, the cause of which is unknown. Anyway, in my case, I use a wheelchair because I’m unable to walk, and have skinny, spastic limbs with heavy contractures. Apparently, I also have a “young face”, and I require help with all physical aspects of daily living. Put that all together, and it makes quite the picture, doesn’t it?

Except, after meeting me, people are generally a mixture of perplexed, shocked amazed and sometimes ashamed. Why? Because within Israeli society, I am seen as a paradox-something that shouldn’t exist. Something that cannot possibly exist.

A woman who is both dependent and independent. You should see the look on people’s face when they find out that I have a bachelors degree and I’m working on getting my masters degree. When people find out I work. When people find out that I go on the train by myself to places all over the country. When people find out that I have been driving a power wheelchair since the age of three. I could go on and on and on.

Their eyes go wide, the baby voice stops (albeit almost reluctantly) and then almost immediately starts back up again as they “congratulate” me on my independence.

This is because people with disabilities are seen in black-and-white. There is no grey zone and if you have a disability, it’s automatically thought you can only be treated in one specific manner. It’s not just interpersonally between people that this occurs, it happens in all aspects of life. It’s like this at the doctor’s office where the doctor becomes so surprised that I walked five minutes to my own appointment and struggle to keep the awe out of his or her voice, or at restaurants when people see me eating alone and can’t help but marvel at the sight.

It is precisely because of this ignorance, that arrogance quickly follows. If Israeli society as a whole believes that everyone with a disability must present a certain way, (medical differences don’t really matter in their eyes), why would the same society admit to mistakes when proven wrong? This way of thinking prevents change, adaptation and forward-thinking.It gives people the false impression that they’re always right. Any pushback is immediately brushed to the side and thought of as “oppositional”.

Now, as you’re reading this, you may be thinking to yourself, ‘That’s not accurate. Of course Israel views disabilities differently.  Look at the differences in eligibility rules, the percentage points, etc.’

You’d be missing the point.

It’s not about what’s written on paper and then signed off on, on the dotted line.

It’s about mentality. People with disabilities are still viewed in a specific manner regardless of circumstances, and until that unyielding mentality begins to shift, why do the “rules” matter? People certainly aren’t playing by them.

The unwillingness to follow one’s own rules (written or unwritten) breeds a unique sense of entitlement. Why? Again, mentality.

When a core part of Israel’s mentality is ‘Dependence can therefore equal no independence’ people all of the sudden become very entitled if it is believed that someone isn’t “doing what’s expected of them” or “fitting the mold”. Resentment, anger and incredulity build up incredibly fast. It is exhausting. I’ve experienced all of these emotions directed at me, and what makes people the most upset, is that I see it, experience it, and I’m calling it out.

I get it. I’m a walking (or rather, rolling) contradiction. However, when contradictions arise, it leads to opportunities. For growth. For change. For thinking outside the box. Israeli society must take this seemingly unnavigable contradiction by  the horns and run with it.