Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden
Psychology, Medicine, Science, Politics, Oppression, Integrity, Philosophy, Jews

Corona laughters, Israel edition

Included: a brand-new happily stay home song!

Included: A brand new happily stay home song!

There was an idea to add an extra Adar to have Pesach a month later. This should be declared the latest this Wednesday, before the Month of Nissan.

The Israeli Supreme Court rejected to rule that. It was too long for April 1.

***

Seriously, there is little attention for families that have someone in corona isolation in the home. They are finishing all matzos because it’s the only food they manage to shove under the door. Soon it’s Pesach, and what will they eat then? Some Ashkenazics suggest: potatoes.

***

There was an idea to postpone Daylight Savings Time to not entice people to stroll outside when it’s light out there still so late. But, that could have worked if we had DST already, but we ran out of time preparing for it.

Especially, how does one reset so quickly all computers and cell phones to switch to DST at another date? I don’t think that was the problem since they all reset the clock in Israel at least four times a year anyway.

Besides, now no-one goes to work anymore, there is no ‘extra time after finishing work.’ We can live like the roosters who wake up at 4 AM by the sun rays, have a really long day and be happy to eat at 6 PM and sleep at 8.

***

There is word that the coronavirus pandemic has prompted Divine Thoughts of postponing Passover until after the Festival of Booths. Yet, some object that it should be held in Spring. It says so in the Torah.

There is an easy solution. After the Festival of Booths, we’d slaughter the Passover lamb in Jerusalem on the Eve of our new Passover date. And then quickly, we fly to Australia, to celebrate the week of Passover in Spring as it’s spring season then there. The Lord thinks of everything.

***

Meanwhile, one reporter had to retract her comment that science, not prayers to a deity, will solve the COVID-19 pandemic.

She was completely misunderstood as she only wanted to give God a break. I applaud the empathy!

***

Scientists — you know, those who are supposed to save us — may Heaven help — (you don’t make this up) are suggesting to use bats to fight crops-hurting insects.

Just what we need: flying animals that spread coronavirus everywhere.

***

In all the panic, it gets insufficient attention that scientists and labs around the world are racing to find a cure and a vaccine against the novel virus. In fact, 69 drugs are considered at the moment.

So far, all of them have a problem: there is no clue they would work.

***

Talking of work, so far, 16 suicide bombers have applied for unemployment benefits. With the social distancing and lockdown orders, they had no choice but to close shop. Disturbing.

***

Talking of the Peace Process, the leaders of Iran, Hezbollah and Hamas have now jointly declared that they are willing to meet Netanyahu without preconditions anywhere he wants. Netanyahu has declined.

The left and Peace Now have announced a big demonstration in Tel Aviv next week Wednesday. They call it irresponsible and isolationist not to grab the outstretched hand. So fat, Bibi has refused to comment.

***

Just imagine. A million Gazans start running toward the Gaza Envelope, yelling Shalom, shalom! They smile broadly and throw more blessings onto the stunned Israelis they meet. They say: “We had to escape the corona dangers. The regime only takes care of its own. And we love you a lot already for years. And we want to become Jews.”

And so it went. After the conversion, they stormed one time more in opposite direction and liberated Gaza from its oppressors. Even Jared Kushner had not foreseen this.

***

When all is over and done, we can turn all concert halls and theatres into housing units, we now know:

***

Meanwhile, Physicians do their best not to get infected at work because when they are out, who would treat the sick?

One patient remarked that she values her doctor but that it’s nice, for a change, to see the doctors more scared or concerned than the patients. Over the years, we’ve suffered a lot, she added.

***

One recovered patient told the media (true story) that it was a very cozy two weeks with the other infected in the isolation ward of the hospital. But now that she’s free of the virus, she’s happy to go home to a normal life. No-one told her that now she’ll be under house arrest?

***

A sense of humor has worn a bit thin here and there. A 25-year-old has impersonated a Health Ministry employee and ordered many people to go into isolation. True story. He’s placed under restrictive conditions.

***

Some now doubt the traditional clarification of Deuteronomy 30:19, You shall choose life. They take it as: Choose to go live (on Zoom).

***

Do you know what strikes me? Everybody loves vacations, going to lands far away beyond the horizon with unknown adventures. And no-one believes in Hell anymore. And still, no-one wants to die. Strange.

***

1940. Japan was to host the Olympics. Global war. Nixed. 2020. The Land of the Rising Sun was to host the Olympics. Global war on virus. Don’t organizers learn history? Postponed to 2021. An Olympic record.

***

The Dutch Minister of Health has collapsed in Parliament answering corona questions. True story. Burnout. No laughing matter. Almost.

***

Isn’t it ironic? Normally, when economists say that the economy is great, all the rich people make lots of money off the poorer ones. But now, we all sit at home, spend nothing of our money but on some food, our bank accounts are bulging while the economists say that the economy is hard-hit. (People who lost their jobs will find new ones.)

***

This too will pass. But not before Passover.

***

Why do people get so angry about the small number of people who disobey social distancing instructions? Do they also get furious about people endangering themselves by smoking? Just stay inside and it’s not your problem. Just as with safe sex. You do it and you’ll be safe.

Or is it that secretly, these hotheads would also want to be out and about? They are staying home but not from the fullness of their hearts!

Where is the popular singer who composes and sings an iconic ‘I love to stay home’ song like ‘Jerusalem of Gold’ when we liberated Jerusalem?

I wrote something. My friend Aylam Bar Shalom put it to music:

 

I love to stay home,
I love to stay home,
I was here yesterday,
And I know I will stay.

Together with all,
Together with all,
On Skype, Zoom, and FaceTime
Together will all.

I see an old movie,
With a hug and kiss.
I want to shout: Don’t!
Do what I so miss.

And also old clips,
Of flash mobs out,
But soon is that day,
Being out and about.

I love to stay home,
I love to stay home,
I was here yesterday,
And I know I will stay.

Together with all,
Together with all,
On Skype, Zoom, and FaceTime
Together will all.

Remote is the learning,
Remote is the job,
I even called a therapist,
Remote was the sob.

Family bonding,
With lots of time outs,
Virtual friends, without
Any whereabouts.

I love to stay home,
I love to stay home,
I was here yesterday,
And I know I will stay.

Together with all,
Together with all,
On Skype, Zoom, and FaceTime
Together will all.

So many problems,
That I cannot solve.
No use still to worry,
We’ll live on resolve.

I’m looking forward,
As to a surprise,
To olden times,
And pies in the skies.

I love to stay home,
I love to stay home,
I was here yesterday,
And I know I will stay.

Together with all,
Together with all,
On Skype, Zoom, and FaceTime
Together will all.

On Skype, Zoom, and FaceTime
Together will all.

***

Those who leave Adar, ALSO enlarge happiness.
When it’s hard to be even more happy, make more others happier!
Happiness is not an optional embellishment but rather essential.
Chodesh tov vesameiach, Pesach sameiach vekasher, Shanah tovah!

About the Author
MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (https://diethylstilbestrol.co.uk/studies/des-and-psychological-health/), born in 1953 to two Dutch survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork, and holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam). He taught Re-evaluation Co-counseling, became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His most influential teachers (chronologically) are: his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach and lehavdiel bein chayim lechayim: Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff and Rav Meir Lubin. * Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years he wrote hasbara for the Dutch public. His fields of attention now are varied: Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (statistics), Politics (Israel, the US and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight Truth), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, GLBTQAI, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), Ecology and Veganism. Sometimes he's misunderstood because he has such a wide vision that never fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what many love about him. Many of his posts relate to affairs from the news or the Torah Portion of the Week or are new insights that suddenly befell him. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, reassure the doubters but make the self-assured doubt more. He strives to bring a fresh perspective rather than bore you with the obvious. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds must be disputed. In short, his main political positions are: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, democracy, anti the fake peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, Science, Free Will, anti blaming-the-victim and for down-to-earth optimism. Read his blog how he attempts to bridge any discrepancies. He admits sometimes exaggerating to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quit a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. November 13, 2018, he published his 500st blog post with the ToI. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having a peek outside of your cultural bubble. * NEW: To see other blog posts by him, his overspill blog you can reach by clicking on the Website icon next to his picture at the head of every post. There you may find precursors to later TOI blog posts, addition or corrections of published TOI blog posts, blog posts the TOI will not carry and some thoughts that are too short to be a TOI blog post. Also, the TOI only allows for one blog post per blogger per 24 hours. Sometimes, he has more to say than that. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me.
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