Benji Lovitt
Because the Middle East is Funny
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‘Day of Rage’ schedule

A handy timetable to help make sure participants have a super ragey day

This past week, the Palestinian people called for a “Day of Rage” against Israel. Many have wondered what actually constitutes a day of rage. Below is a translated schedule of the day as uploaded to Facebook by West Bank resident “Walid A”.

6:35 Smash alarm clock with sledgehammer
6:50 Take freezing shower, hate world
7:05 Consider switching allegiance to Islamic Jihad for cottage cheese being runny
7:37 Drive to dry cleaners to pick up ski mask
7:42 Lose dry cleaning ticket, smash fist through window
8:11 Pick up registration package and commemorative “Day of Rage” visor
9:02 Dress rehearsal for “Day of Rage” flash mob
9:48 Uber ride to rally cancels. Get pissed as hell, slash neighbor’s tires
10:00 Walk to rally, send apologetic text to neighbor for overreacting

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10:43 Rage
11:41 Rage more
12:09 Catered lunch runs out of kebabim, lash out at world
14:00 Afternoon nap
16:07 Tea and baklava with local imam
16:30 Up rage game by listening to “Death Metal” playlist on full blast
16:48 Punch each other in balls, reach peak rage
17:02 Make bulleted list about similarities between Jews and pigs
17:45 Upload angry selfies on Instagram, tag Roger Waters
18:18 Convince foreign journalists that Israel was responsible for JFK assassination
20:00 Go home
20:05 Check email
21:00 Launch Kickstarter video for upcoming Pallywood video starring Carrot Top
21:09 Complete “Day of Rage” Surveymonkey evaluation form
22:00 Decrease rage by meditating to Enya
22:39 Floss
23:00 Go to bed, congratulate self on rageful day

Co-written by Yoav Fisher

About the Author
Since making aliyah in 2006, Benji Lovitt has performed stand-up comedy and educational programs for groups including Jewish Federations, synagogues, Masa Israel Journey, and Birthright Israel. His perspectives on aliyah and Israeli society have been featured on Israeli TV and radio and in publications such as USA Today, Time Magazine, the BBC, and more. During 2014's Operation Protective Edge, his humorous observations on the war led to his being called in Israel "the only reason to go on Facebook.”
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