Donald Puts Punim on Pushkas (Satire)
After the phenomenal success of his $99.00 NFT collection, the former president decides to put his mug on charity boxes.
New York Post
Monday December 19, 2022
Mar-a-Lago—It could be the perfect Hanukkah present for Orthodox, as well as secular supporters of Donald J. Trump. After making a killing or in his words a “really big” profit of over one million dollars on digital trading cards, the ex-president made another “major announcement” when he unveiled his collection of six tzedakah boxes bearing his image. On each box he appears as a different well-known super hero (wear kippahs): Super Man, Teflon Man, Con Man, Insurrection Man, The Schlong and Bone Spurs.
“I was inspired to create these Jewish themed gifts after I ate a “really big” hot pastrami sandwich on Levy’s Jewish rye shmeared with Ba-Tampte mustard at a deli on the Lower East Side. I washed it down with a large glass of wazzer mit gas. I had the whole schemiel. So as I stood at the counter buying some marble Joyva halvah, I shook one of these charity boxes. It was filled with gelt. And I have always loved the clanging sound coins make when they smash into each other. It reminded me of my first piggy bank. And then it hit me—if I put my beautiful mug and my svelte body in a super hero costume and had that image painted on these boxes, they would fill up in seconds. My organization could pull in millions with all proceeds going to a charity very close to my heart. A charity of my choice. Remember, I’m an expert on running charities,” he said.
In a promotional video, Trump gave the pushkas sales pitch his classic hard sell.
“These six charity boxes feature really incredible artwork pertaining to my life and my career. It has been very exciting,” he crowed. “Buy these six tin boxes, each with a different picture of me for $99.00 and you get to join a very exclusive community — it’s my community. Buy your Trump charity boxes right now before they are all gone, and they will be gone! It’s a great investment and when you sell these collectibles in five or ten years, it will help you pay for your kids’ college education.”
“Remember Hanukkah is here and these six enamel tzedakah tins make great gifts for your family, friends and business associates,” he said.
Trump added, “Buyers who return their filled charity boxes to Mar-a-Lago will be entered into a sweepstake to win prizes such as a shabbat dinner at my country club or a round of golf with me, as well as my autograph on your tin boxes and a Zoom lecture on the history of pushkas.”
Trump, well known for his classiness and his long history of giving to charities, added, “This Hebraic venture should greatly improve my support among the Jews in 2024.”
