The High Holy Day Survival Guide for Partners of Rabbis
If you find yourself in a new relationship with a Rabbi, this short survival guide for making it out of the High Holy Day Season alive is a must-read.
If you know of, or are related to someone in a relationship with a Rabbi, please share this with them; it can save their marriage.
I have been married for 19 years as of a couple of weeks ago. For eighteen of those years, my wife has been an ordained rabbi. Needless to say, I’ve made a lot of mistakes over that time (and continue to, to this day). The weeks and months leading up to the High Holy Days can be a minefield of missteps for the newly minted spouse or partner of a Rabbi. Ignore the below and risk receiving a Ghet by Sukkot!
1) Start altering your sleep schedule to include 2 am nudges so that when you are asked “does this part of my sermon sound good,” you have the mental wherewithal to automatically say “yes.”
2) Create a list of TV shows and movies only you want to watch, so when you have something to do while your bedroom is converted into the Rosh Hashanah War room. I like to create a “Gilmore Girls Free Zone, where Jason Statham can roam free as a carpenter who used to be a Green Beret hell bent on revenge, or an Uber driver who used to be a Navy Seal hell bent on revenge, or a Bee Keeper who used to be an Army Ranger hell bent on revenge.
3) When going to bed, be sure to wear extra-thick pajamas and a padded sleeping mask. This will help prevent being jabbed in the eye with a copy of yet another Torah commentary when you roll over. For spouses of rabbis, the saying “Gamliel makes a good point,” takes on a whole new meaning when you have to start taking eye drops for a scratched cornea.
4) Keep a recent photo of your Rabbi spouse or partner on you, so that you can remember what they look like, as you may not see them face to face until Hanukkah.
5) Do not say ANY of the following things for the next month:
- “Oh you are talking about the binding of Isaac again, huh?”
- What do you want for dinner?
- Do you have anything on your schedule this weekend?
- When is Rosh Hashanah?
- Is your erev sermon done yet?
- Why are you so stressed? It’s the same service every year.
- That’s not how Shmuley Boteach would do it, and he is America’s Rabbi
It’s going to be a long month for fellow Clergy spouses and partners, but if we all follow these tips, stay in the shadows, and keep our heads down, we can make it through. If all else fails, keep a bottle of slivovitz handy.
Whether you are a Rebbitzman, Rebbitzthem, or Rebbitzin, just know it will be ok and you will make it through this. You are not alone.
Shannah Tova, America’s Rebbitzman
