You evil cunning linguist.
You queen of malapropism.
I’m now infected with COVID because of your don’t-wear-masks speeches.
My readers said, “Mort, keep wearing your masks and be careful with whom you mess.
We warn you, do not poke fun at this Georgia congresswoman. She is a fallen angel with a serpent’s tongue.
Lying comes easily to those who hide the truth.
Swearing an oath—on a King James Bible—to the Almighty has no meaning to this blonde bobble-headed bimbo—for she has conveniently forgotten all her Bible verses.”
But I did not listen.
And with all abandon, I wrote my blogs about your naivety.
My readers shuttered, laughed and cried at all your antics.
“No one could be that stupid!” They yelled.
The Orthodox warned, “Be careful boychick, she will cast her evil eye on your aged body.
Boychick, it’s called karma and it will end up biting you in your tuchus.”
But I being secular and brave and stupid did not heed their warnings.
Day and night, I wore my yellow and blue hamsa.
But my amulet failed me.
And now, I’m infected with the “Curse of COVID.”
And now, I’m coughing my lungs out.
And now, I can’t sleep.
And now, my nose runs as if it were a contestant in the Boston Marathon.
And now, I have almost lost my sense of smell and my sense of taste.
But luckily, I can still smell injustice and bigotry and anti-Semitism.
And I can still taste hatred and fear.
And I taste the lingering fear that my death may be around the corner.
Therefore, Marjorie Taylor Greene you have won.
I propose we make a trade.
I’ll pretend you had nothing to do with January 6 insurrection and I’ll promise to stop writing blogs about you and your antics like: Jewish laser beams or “marshall” law, or gazpacho police or trips to hang with the black hats in Brooklyn or speeches to Putin-cheering white supremacists, or seeking to destroy democracy and freedom in America, if you promise to remove the COVID curse from my aged body.
I hope you accept my sincerest apology and my generous offer.
Call me if you have any questions or seek clarification on the terms of the agreement.