search

Post Interviews Trump on Santos (Satire)

Post: Thank you President Trump for inviting us to this magnificent palace that you call Mar-a-Lago and for allowing the Post to get your opinions on Congressman-elect George Santos.

Trump: Well, I’m glad to have you here. Thanks for your praise for my beautiful country club. Most people don’t know that I built Mar-a-Lago with my bare hands, some lumber, a hammer, a saw and a bucket of nails.

Post: Well, I didn’t know that. But I do know you’re a busy man. So with your permission, I’m going to turn on my tape recorder and start this interview.

Trump: Please don’t turn on that machine. I’m much more extemporaneous if I’m not being recorded.

Post: Okay, I’ll just take notes. First question, should the Republicans in the House allow George Santos to be seated as a congressman?

Trump: Of course they should. He’s a Republican role model. When I was first in my class, in that Ivy League college that I attended, we had a name for students like George, we called them “embellishers.” They took the truth and added a little fluff to it. I love the way George said, “I put a little bit of fluff on my résumé.” We all did that stuff. It helped us get accepted to university, make friends and influence people, get great jobs and it even helped me get elected president.

Post: Do you think Santos is the first openly-gay Republican elected to Congress.

Trump: Say what! I thought we threw those gay folks out of the party after I was elected. He’s probably straight and is bull s—-ing to get some of those queer votes. But when I win in 2024, George will admit he has taken “the conversion” and has been reborn a straight man. You’ll see.

Post: Santos also claimed to be Jewish, when he wasn’t. Why do you think George said that, “He is a proud American Jew.”

Trump: Let me tell you something I know very well. The Jews, they got lots of money; they like to buy access to politicians in exchange for donations; they like to get favors in exchange for their gelt.

I know. They use to send me really big donations until I broke bread with my close buddy, “Kill all the Jews” Kanye, and one of his neo-Nazi friends. Some of those Jews are just too damn sensitive. They already forgot what their money bought them. But the Israelis still remember. The good news is that now that George ain’t a Jew, I’ll invited him to the “Christians Only” Sunday services in the White House in 2025.

I ask you, if George Santos is so bad, why didn’t the New York Times vet him before the elections. Somebody obviously paid them off.

Why didn’t Nancy Pelosi hire a private investigator to dig up some dirt on good old Santos before the elections. Are you going to try to tell me Nancy never heard the words “opposition research.” She can’t be that stupid? Let me take that back. She’s a Democrat. And the Democrats will never indict me. They’re afraid of me. I know all their dirty little secrets.  And take my word, George will sit in the Congress for the next two years.

Just you wait and see.

A kid with a laptop could have dug up that Georgie Boy didn’t work for Goldman Sacks or Citigroup or graduate from Baruch College.

Post: Are you considering George Santos as your running mate in 2024?

Trump: Well, he has been loyal to me and I like loyalty. I love loyalty. He was on the Ellipse for my rally on January 6th. I don’t know if he was yelling, “Hang Mike Pence” but he may have. He says I won the 2020 election. He’s a superb liar, for example he claims he has 11 million dollars in assets when he doesn’t even own a pot to piss in. He seems like the kind of guy I trained when I was President of Trump University. Both of us have long histories of working with charities.

But one thing that hurts him a little is he most likely has paid more taxes than I have. Ya know, if he and I were in a “lie off” contest, I’d beat him by a country mile. He’s small potatoes when you compare him to me. Remember, I’m the inventor of the “Big Lie.”

Post: Some people are saying, “That George Santos is a Democratic plant that they are sending to Washington to embarrass the Republican party?” is that true.

Trump: That’s the dumpest question I’ve ever heard. After Marjorie “Laser” Greene, that Louie Gohmert guy, Lauren “I Love Putin” Boebert and all my shenigans nothing—and I mean nothing— can ever embarass any Republican ever again. We’ve already hit the bottom of the barrel. George is just icing on the cake. But rather than thinking of George Santos as an embarassment, look at him as an excellent role model for American elementary school students and Evangelical preachers across this great nation. What American parent wouldn’t want to have a kid just like George?

Post: President Trump thanks so much for this enlightening interview. Do you have any last thoughts you want to add to my story.

Trump: I have one question for the Post’s readers?

Post: What’s that?

Trump: How does Trump/Santos 2024 sound to them?

Post: I’ll add that question to my story. Thanks again for your warm hospitalty.

About the Author
Florida's Jewish short-story writer, speaker, film producer and retired attorney. He has authored, "A Hebraic Obsession", "The Hanukkah Bunny" and "The Greatest Gift." He produced an award-winning short film entitled, "The Stairs". Movie can be viewed on my TOI blog. ChatGPT says, Mort is known for his works that often explore themes of love, loss, and the human connection. Laitner has published several books , including “A Hebraic Obsession.” His writing style is characterized by its emotional depth and introspection. Laitner’s works have garnered praise for their heartfelt expression and keen insight into the human experience.
Related Topics
Related Posts