Audrey Biloon

Scammers and Sons strike again

Following is a word for word posting that appeared on my Facebook page from a scammer, using the realistic sounding name of Christopher Parker, and, after that, my response:

“I was bored and needed someone to talk to. Unlike me, I logged onto FB. Then I saw your nice comment on the thread of other comments to the original poster’s question and your adorable profile. I decided to be your friend. The only dangerous thing about me is my age. LOL, I’m old. please kindly click on my profile to add me up. If you don’t mind, thanks and be blessed!

My response:

Oh thank you, thank you, thank you for thinking my Facebook profile is adorable and for unilaterally deciding to be my friend. Being dumb as a rock, you have no idea how long I’ve waited for someone like you to show up and validate my adorability and decide to be my friend. Hopefully both of your decisions mean that our wedding is soon to be in the cards for me. At least, the gypsy who read my plump palm said so.

Although I weigh 500 pounds, she said that, once someone like you can see over the hill that comprises my stomach, you could overlook my excess weight. Of course I didn’t have my three hearing aids in and my twelve inch thick glass classes on, so I couldn’t really hear her or read her lips, but I’m sure, if she didn’t exactly say that, it’s what she meant.

Mama says the only problem is, although you have loads of very handsome photos on your Facebook and LinkedIn pages, your lack of ANY information, except that you claim you’re a widower could be a dead giveaway that you’re a scammer.See the Facebook profile information page photo Mama took which I added below this letter.

I told Mama that although your interruption of my post to someone else to inject your love for me would be a new and very clever ruse that I haven’t seen before, I believe you’re a real live doctor, otherwise why would you be wearing a white coat in so many of those doctored photos?

I also told Mama that despite all of your problems (numbered below), you can’t live without me….or maybe that was without my bank account…I can’t really remember much since yesterday when I got onto, immediately broke, and fell off of that mechanical rocking western style horse in front of the Piggly Wiggly. Anyway, as I understand it from the other Facebook fellas who tried to woo me (until they found out my bank account is in a Piggy Bank in my room), your problems are probably pretty similar to yours heirs:

1. Your wife died in a tragic accident with your sweet baby daughter, leaving you with a teenage son to raise on your own.

2. You went to medical school in a foreign country which has since closed.

3. Your medical school records were lost in a fire.

4. You’re working for the UN, saving starving, cleft lipped children from permanent blindness.

5. You’re a Saint or up for sainthood.

Witch that she is, Mama says the only way she’ll let me respond beyond this message is if she can check out the following:

1. Where you went to medical school

2. When the fire was in which your records were destroyed and a copy of the fire department’s records or a newspaper article about the fire.

3. An answer as to why there are no copies of those records in the UN office h which approved your hiring.

4. When and how your wife and baby died (with an obituary notice)

5. References from your clergyman and your UN employer (whose identities she can check out)

6. A letter from God (or at least your clergyman) that you’re a saint or have been nominated for sainthood.

Mama is now saying that if your sad story isn’t a new kind of phishing fodder (for a sugar mama), she wants me to give you up because -being the matriarch in our family- she feels entitled to marry you first. And, if your story is a phishing scam, she wants to be part of it to get on the gravy train with you.

Mama stopped each of the other Facebook fellas from whisking me away with her nosy questions. She is such a buzz kill to try and protect me from my chances to find my one true computer generated love. But I know that this time will be different and that you’ll easily pass the test….marrying Mama first will be the only hard part as she is pretty old and cranky if she doesn’t get her way. But you wrote that you’re old too, so you too ought to get along until I get to come home from the Fat Farm. They promise that I can lose at least 10 pounds in 10 years if I’m determined enough.

Until that time, all of me remains,


Here’s the photo Mama took of your Facebook information:

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About the Author
Having been a teacher, social worker, radio show host(ess), newspaper columnist and lawyer, Audrey, now retired, writes, teaches improv, performs stand up comedy, and continues to practice turning stress into gratitude……which is sort of like practicing law: the practice won’t always result in perfection.
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