The Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup — Day 15

Good news from Samara (if such a thing is possible):  The Coffee Growers of Colombia beat the impressive Senegalese squad in a decisive match in Group H, 1-0.  In doing so, Los Cafeteros not only win the group, but also carry the banner of Zionist hopes into the knockout rounds in the wake of the inevitable exit of Australia.

The match proved to be hard cheese on Senegal, though, as they fell to third place in the group behind Japan.  While they were equal on points, goal differential, and goals scored, the Blue Samurai had picked up two fewer yellow cards than the Senegalese.  I guess there is one place where civility counts.  Who would have thought it was international soccer?

In other Zionist-related World Cup news, Tunisia bested Panama, 2-1, in game of previously-eliminated teams.  It marked the first victory of an Arab team at this World Cup over a non-Arab opponent.  Naturally, it was a meaningless game (with respect to the larger competition) with only national pride at stake.

For those of you scoring at home (and I truly hope that is the case), of the sixteen teams to make the knockout rounds, ten teams are European and four are from South America.  Only Mexico and Japan provide any measure of geographic diversity.  Based on the ZGWC video, seven teams which received a pareve rating or better advanced to the next round, to wit:  Argentina, Brazil, Colombia, Croatia, England, Japan, and Mexico.  That’s not too shabby.

While there are no games tomorrow, it is not a rest day for the Zionist’s Guide.  Look for a ranking of the sixteen remaining teams, from most objectionable to most likely to make a pledge to Federation.  We will also take a look at the first knockout round match-ups:  Uruguay vs. Portugal and France vs. Argentina.

About the Author
Doug Klein is an attorney in Chicago and the wrestling coach at Ida Crown Jewish Academy.
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