Trump’s Passing Wind Eau de Cologne (Satire)

At eight in the morning, Carlo sat at his kitchen table pouring a shot of Baileys Irish Cream into his coffee. He wrapped his hands around the cup, stealing its warmth. As his java cooled, Carlo inhaled its sweet aroma. Now he turned his attention to reading social media. Carlo paused to rub his eyes in disbelief. Ten days earlier, he was in the secure bunker at Mar-a-Lago helping the ex-president prepare for his mug shot and arraignment in Atlanta. At that meeting, he joked with the ex-president, “Donald, you have the ability to sell anything. You could even sell your flatulence in fancy glass bottles to your gulls.”

Carlo watched as Donald’s eyes lit up. Trump said something like, “Ya know, that’s an interesting idea because my farts don’t stink. That’s because I eat McDonald’s burgers and drink a lot of Diet Coke.”

Carlo thought, “Surely, he realized I was just kidding.”

But now right in front of his blue eyes, he read the advertisement posted on Truth Social: :

Now You Can Own Your Own Piece of Your Favorite President Housed in a Magnificent Perfume Bottle

Introducing Trump’s Passing Wind Cologne, a fragrance that captures 45’s essence, elegance and charisma.

Be the first person in your neighborhood to display Trump’s Passing Wind Cologne on your living room mantel. It’s a fragrance you’ll never forget! It makes a great topic for conversation..

These limited edition Baccarat crystal bottles are adorned with brown accents, filled with the President’s own gases and embossed with the President’s face and autograph.

Let Trump’s Passing Wind Cologne set you free.

It’ a kiss that keeps on smelling.

Make your stain on the world and leave a lasting impression on your friends.

For a limited time, you can own a treasure that we guarantee you will only increase in value. Remember to leave our eau de toilette to your kids as part of their inheritance.

The House of Trump Perfume Company has just obtained a limited quantity of Donald’s gases through the use of modern toilet technology. We’re able to vacuum hydrogen sulphide gases right as they leave the President’s body. For the low price of $39.99, we’re selling these bottled gases only to loyal Republican voters. As the President said, “You can almost smell the squeeze.”

This holiday season, our manly scent makes a great Christmas gift to place in a stocking or  under the tree.

If you know a person who has everything, this is an item we bet they don’t have.

Hurry and order now, before supplies run out.

Carlo sipped his coffee. Then he chuckled, “Every grifter knows there’s a sucker born every minute of the day. And I bet Donald will sell a million bottles.”

About the Author
Florida's Jewish short-story writer, speaker, film producer and retired attorney. He has authored, "A Hebraic Obsession", "The Hanukkah Bunny" and "The Greatest Gift." He produced an award-winning short film entitled, "The Stairs". Movie can be viewed on my TOI blog. ChatGPT says, Mort is known for his works that often explore themes of love, loss, and the human connection. Laitner has published several books , including “A Hebraic Obsession.” His writing style is characterized by its emotional depth and introspection. Laitner’s works have garnered praise for their heartfelt expression and keen insight into the human experience.
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