Mort Laitner
Mort Laitner

What Would Fauci Do?

“Been vaccinated?” I asked.

“Yup.”

“Me too. Which one?”

“Pfizer.”

“Me too. Both shots?”

“Yup.”

“Any reactions?”

“Yup, on the second shot, my arm throbbed and my hands shook. The shaking started at about 4:00 AM. It only lasted for a few minutes. But in those few minutes it scared the bejesus out of  me. I freaked out. Simultaneously, I cursed, shook and prayed. I said the Shema. Then I cursed, ‘Damn vaccine! Damn Pfizer! When is this shaking crap gonna stop!’ And when the whole lot of shaking stopped, I thanked G-d, fell asleep and dreamt about Elvis.

Two weeks later, I’m acting like a prisoner who has just been released from jail after spending a whole year behind cold iron bars.

Ya know what I thought, “Why isn’t Dr. Anthony Fauci telling us about this new danger?”

“What new danger?”

“Psychologists call it, ‘The-Need-To-Do-Stupid-Stuff Syndrome or TNTDSSS.’

That stupidity syndrome is dynamite. When folks are cooped up indoors all day, wearing masks, washing their hands and social distancing, they become fidgety. Just like a flock of caged chickens they want their freedom.

People not only want their freedom but they gotta do some stupid stuff when they get it.

It’s in our genes.

Especially with all the silver shekels we saved not eating inside restaurants and not going to shows for a whole year.

We gotta take a big bite and taste out of the mother nature.

We gotta stick our nose deep into the rosebud before the next pandemic.

Now that “our lost year” is over, we gotta make up for lost time, especially us older folks, who are already fearing that our time on this planet is limited.”

“I don’t wanna be one of those senior citizens with those I-wish-I-had-done-that-or-I-wish-I-had-done-more-of-that wrinkles covering my face.”

“You know you’re right. I’m already housed in the world of wondering—how many more times of this or that before it’s over? I better do so stupid stuff now, before the next variant puts us in lockdown again.

I’m ready to experiment.

I’m ready to do the wild thing.

I’m ready to take some real risks.

No more shackles on these ankles; a lot less shekels in this wallet.”

“But, ya know what Dr. Anthony Fauci would say about your plan?”

“No, what would the good immunologist say?”

“Fauci would say, ‘It’s okay to do some stupid stuff but forget about doing the really stupid stuff.'”

“That guy really is a genius.”

About the Author
Florida's Jewish short-story writer, speaker, film producer and retired attorney. He has authored, "A Hebraic Obsession", "The Hanukkah Bunny" and "The Greatest Gift." He produced an award-winning short film entitled, "The Stairs". Movie can be viewed on my TOI blog. Mort is a correspondent for the Fort Lauderdale Sun Sentinel Jewish Journal.
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