Getting the life you want to live and more
When you procrastinate something, ask yourself if this idea(l) is really so important for you. If it isn’t, then who cares? If it is, apply the following:
1. Make it a priority. Don’t wait until it will become a top priority or finally will feel nice. That might never happen. Also, don’t wait for last-minute stress or panic — that’s so unpleasant — and unnecessary.
2. Just do it. Because you choose so.
3. This way, you will become more self-disciplined and better at choosing. These are good talents and character traits to have. And, with them, nothing and nobody can stop you from just doing what you choose.
4. While doing it or afterward, pay attention to the feelings you have. Because if you don’t, they will stealthily distract you so that mysteriously, you don’t get to do what you want — which is unacceptable.
5. You also have a choice, to see the opposition against your priorities as the universe going against you, or as helpful hints about hurts from the past that need your attention to heal for continued optimal functioning.
6. When you always do as you truly want, any shoulds, musts, and have-tos remain with little value. At best, these are recommendations for ideas to possibly make your own, but then from a wish and a priority, not must.
7. Feeling obligated or guilty becomes obsolete and irrelevant.
8. Doing so, you get a lot of good:
- You get the life you want.
- You will have will-power and feel powerful.
- You will be optimistic.
- You will be cleaning up the past.
- You will be cleaning up a lot of confusion.
9. Get a friend to remind you periodically. It’s hard to remember the things you easily forget. Eventually, you’ll remember, every time you feel hurried, forced, obligated, guilty, powerless, pessimistic, confused, or stuck: Oh, I forgot to choose. Later on, you will remember to choose, any time an opportunity presents itself. In the end, you will feel great all the time.
‘There are no Shoulds in the Universe’
My friend and teacher Harvey Jackins used to say: “If I ever die, which I have no intention of doing, I would like you to call ‘There are no Shoulds in the Universe’ the First Law of Jackins.”
Did he mean, that without oughts everybody can do as they want? That evil does not exist? That morality should be considered dead? No.
He meant that morality is built-in. We don’t need to externalize it:
- Instead of teaching our kids that they shall not steal, say to them: Stealing doesn’t fit you. You’re not a thief. And if you ever took something without permission, you’ll be so glad to give it back.
- You don’t have to respect me. Of course, you would love to.
- Of course, you’ll be generous. Because that’s such a good expression of who you are.
My religion, Judaism, is rife with shoulds and should-nots. But when I do the Commandments because I want to, the have-tos fall by the wayside.
Free Will doesn’t mean that we are completely free to choose anything we want. Rather, the Oughts tell us what to choose if we want to set ourselves free! And we are always free to begin heading in their direction.
That’s how I understand it.