TIMES OF YISRAEL ISRANGLO PARTY ENTERS THE ELECTION RACE
We proudly announce the last-minute entry into the Israeli election race of a new and surprise party, the TOY Isranglo Party made up exclusively of young and not so young Israelis of English and American extraction, founded and led by none other than the venerable 92-year-old Post columnist, ex-New Yorker, Arthur “Art” Frankenstine, and the formidable 25-year-old jazz pianist Lily Disraeli who claims descent from no less an historical figure than Benjamin Disraeli himself. The other Israeli parties are watching in awed amazement as Israeli Anglos of all ages and persuasions flock to join the new party which is working at great speed to present its political program and the party anthem to be composed by no less a figure than the gifted Jerusalem Anglo rock singer-songwriter Ben “Baldy” Rubin. In this issue of the Times of Yisrael we introduce the election platform and personalities of this remarkable new Israeli party. Meantime spread the word and prepare to join in the election fun.
THE PARTY PLATFORM
*MEMBERSHIP OF THE PARTY WILL BE BY PURCHASING A SUBSCRIPTION TO THE TIMES OF YISRAEL
*All members will be required to prove their English or American or Anglo ancestry and that they can still speak English.
*Cricket and baseball will replace football as Israel’s main sports.
*Every Israeli will be able to earn a living, and giving, wage – i.e. a minimum wage of $5000 per month with the dollar pegged at NIS10 per dollar. This, and the 3-day working week, and free housing for TOY Party members, is part of the TOY Party’s acclaimed “social justice” program.
*Every day at 4 p.m. the Knesset will adjourn for tea and scones.
*All American and English Jews will automatically become Israeli citizens and pay a nominal tax to the Israel Treasury to help balance our national deficit.
* Reading and understanding the Times of Yisrael will be compulsory Bagrut subjects
*All cars will have a top speed of 50 kmh and Israeli drivers will drive on the left in order to cut road accidents by 95 percent.
*Isranglos will occupy the presidency, premiership and IDF Commander positions
*Hebrew will be read and written from left to right to make life easier for Olim from English-speaking countries.
*At elections rallies Isranglo members will brandish their copies of the TOY and sing the TOY anthem after the Hatikva.
*Isranglo youngsters who become bat or barmitzvah will be eligible to vote for the TOY Party.
*English will not replace Hebrew as the main language in Israel, but the TOY is introducing a female version of Hebrew, Shebrew, to make life easier for Israeli overworked and underpaid women.
THE TOY PARTY CANDIDATES:
Arthur Frankenstine- 95-year-old bodybuilder-columnist, originally from New York, in Israel since 1947. “You’re never too old to lead the country. Just look at Peres!”
Lily Disraeli, 26, international jazz pianist, inspired to enter politics by ancestor Benjamin Disraeli. “My vast international jazz experience and family background makes me ideal for the post of Foreign Minister.”
Yerachmiel “Jerry” Smith-Levy, 47, London-born Haredi rabbi, convinced that the British and American lifestyles are Torah-based. Hopes to be appointed Minister of Religions.
Flora Strudelmayer, 86, American baking family heiress, married 12 times, world authority on marital relations.
Samson “Good News” Ooze, 50, is currently editing the TOY Party Supplement. Slated to be Minister of Defense.
Pelvis MCLevy, 74, trash-rock pop idol, believed to be distantly related to Beatle Paul MCartney. Famous for his immortal hit “Aliya Rock.” In line to be the next Minister of Education.
Sheikh “Bill” Sapeer, 44, renowned Arab-Isranglo dramatist, widely considered to be a reincarnation of the Bard of Avon.
Lord Mark Spencer, 39, wealthy textile manufacturer, Oxford educated, said to be richest man in Middle East. Denies any connection with Marks & Spencer. Favorite to be Minister of Finance in TOY-led government.
Nelson Mandelbrot, 66, South African born, dentist, recently released from prison for illicit drilling. Says his experience makes him ideal candidate for Ministry of Interior.
Golda Mayer-Green, 80, Jewish women’s rights leader, believes the TOY ISRANGLO Party will radically transform life in Israel for the better. Candidate for Ministry of Women’s Affairs in TOY-led government.
VERY LATEST TOY PARTY ELECTION NEWS
• Likud denies persistent rumors that Bibi is planning to join the
• TOY Party.
• Latest polls give the TOY Party a whopping 50 seats
• TOY Party anthem, TOY Forever, voted best election jingle.
• Dramatic increase in Aliya from English–speaking countries attributed to TOY Party popularity
• Frankenstine announces that the emblem on the TOY election banner will feature Uri Fink’s legendary Israel superhero Sabraman with the Shield of David on his chest.
• The TOY Editor proudly announces that Queen Elizabeth II of England has graciously accepted his invitation to attend the inaugural TOY Party ball. It will be her first official visit to the Jewish state.
• Due to the unprecedented popularity of the new party thousands of Israelis are rushing to learn English and be able to follow the progress of their beloved TOY Party in the TOY daily.
• Shelly Yechimovitz hotly denies that she is related to the famed British poet Percy Bysshe Shelley.
• Over 2 billion people have already viewed the TOY Party anthem on Youtube.
Catch up with the latest TOY Party news and views in the TIMES OF YISRAEL! In the forthcoming issue, the 250-page TOY Party Supplement containing the Party Manifesto, exclusive and lavishly illustrated features on all the Party candidates and the lyrics of the TOY Party anthem, plus congratulatory messages from dozens of world leaders.