Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup—Day 5
In the words of the redoubtable Nelson Muntz of “The Simpsons:” “Ha ha.” To the highly-vaunted Spanish squad, the consensus favorite to win the whole paella: “Ha ha.” To Palestinian flag waving wünderkind Lamine Yamal: “Ha ha.” To Spanish prime minister Pedro Sanchez and his unflagging detestation of all things Israeli: “Ha ha.” All hail Cape Verde goalkeeper Vozinha, as the unheralded Blue Sharks tied La Roja nil-nil and sent shockwaves across the footballing world. For non-soccer fans, a scoreless match might be considered a complete snoozefest. This was not the case here, as the #64th ranked team in the world, featuring a 40-year-old keeper, stymied the #3 ranked squad and sent them into new depths of existential frustration. Ha ha.
As for the day’s remaining three matches, each featured a Muslim country versus a representative of Christendom. If international soccer transcends mere athletic competition and serves as a surrogate for the clash of civilizations, the Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup (ZGWC) must account for today’s momentous test of confessional superiority. The results of today’s ties, otherwise known as Crusades ’26, were as follows:
Belgium 1 Egypt 1
Saudi Arabia 1 Uruguay 1
Iran 2 New Zealand 2
An untrained observer might very well conclude that the Christian world and the Muslim world pretty much tied. Trained observers would likely concur. The ZGWC had hoped for a sweep by Christendom, but following a trend brought on by the Dreyfus Affair, the goyim have let us down once more. Oh well.
In news and notes from these three epochal contests of sectarian pride: Kevin De Bruyne did not sing the Belgian national anthem, but the Iranian team sang theirs. The Saudis were lucky to hang on to their draw, but the Egyptians gave a good account of themselves against the Red Devils. The Iranians were expected to easily down the All Whites, but the Kiwis proved to be every bit as dangerous as their opponents. Lastly, while there were a number of Islamic Republic of Iran flags on display in the stadium, there were at least as many Pahlavi Dynasty flags, featuring the golden lion insignia, on display as well. Many were easily visible behind the Iranian players during the national anthems.
Tuesday’s lineup features France vs. Senegal, Iraq vs. Norway, Argentina vs. Algeria, and Austria vs. Jordan.
The Lions of Teranga are favored over Les Bleus. Following tournament results thus far, the French have to be worried of continuing a trend of European underperformance amidst the humidity and hydration breaks of North America.
The ZGWC will be forced to favor Norway over Iraq for tomorrow’s match. Remember, it’s business before pleasure as was the case with today’s Belgium/Egypt tie.
Argentina is a no-brainer over Algeria in so many ways. Make no mistake, the Algerians will likely put in a tenacious shift, but hopefully Christendom will be able to move one into the win column.
Ditto, ditto for Austria over the Jordanians. The Jordanian team does have a nickname–The Chivalrous Ones. If that is not intimidating, then what is?
Until tomorrow….
